Things I have learned:
-1. The guy that takes the passport photos at CVS is not very skilled. David Byrne once wrote “Passport pictures are what people really look like.” This is unfortunate because the CVS guy captured Sammy in a “I’m about to puke if you don’t get me out of here” look. Thanks alot.
2. The tattooed guy at the post office that tried to re-take Sammy’s passport photo knows nothing about the rules saying “sure – it’s ok to have a hand in the passport photo”. When we took it to the clerk she effectively called him an idiot and gave us our money back. My favorite part was when he kept touching Sammy with his “we haven’t been washed in months” hands. Thanks to you too, sir.
3. You can never have enough peepee teepees.
4. There is this thing called the woombie. We bought one. It’s basically stretchy material and a zipper (parents will buy anything.) But wait – and it helps Sammy sleep for 5 hours during the night. I’m in love.
5.
The Wipey is the dad’s version of Duct tape
o Peed on the walls? Wipey.
o Peed on his face? Wipey.
o Peed on you? Wipey
o All of the above but with poop? Wipey.
o Spilled on your shirt? Wipey.
o Disarming a bomb? Only when combined with a paper clip, chewing gum and the inventiveness of MacGyver. Or not.
6. Packing for a newborn is like moving. I have never in my life seen one person pack so much stuff for a 2 day trip. Sammy is such a primadonna (though we owe him a debt of gratitude for behaving like an angel on our trip)
7. When you are driving, traffic lights are enemy #1. When you stop, you can hear the silence like in a horror movie – holding your breath waiting for the first “wah” to come before the light changes.
Important statistics we are tracking:
1. Number of times Sammy waited until I changed his diaper to unleash a poo-nami in the same day: 3
2. Number of times Sammy waited until I was in the middle of changing him to show blue steel and….unload: 2 – in a 3 hour span. And I’m more skilled these days – I can avoid painting the walls with my cat-like reflexes.
3. Weight @ 4 weeks: 50th percentile
4. Height @ 4 weeks: 90th Percentile (he’s huge!!)
5. # of times Sammy has smiled at me - faking like he was sleeping – and then opened his eyes back up: too many to count
6. Number of times I had to taste breast milk (from a bottle!) to know when it’s good vs. spoiled: 1 (they didn’t tell you that before you had one)
7. Number of times I’ve woken up in the morning cradling a pillow like I was holding Sammy: 2 (for real)
Things I googled last week:
1. “Newborn sticking out tongue” - (there are apparently 4 different “tongue actions," each meaning a different thing. Sammy, could you just write a note?
3. Newborn “constipation” – again, just to make sure we understand.
Pictures for your amusement:
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| Sammy's Passport photo |
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| Father and Son have very different tastes in beverages |
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| Drunk on Milk. I always think of that Simpson's episode where Barney yells "Hook it up to my veeeeeeiiins!" |
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| Left: Adult bags. Right: The primadonna's gear |
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| Woombie wakeup sequence |
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| Sammy left a present on our bed in the hotel on Saturday morning. Do you think the maid believed me when I blamed it on our five week old? Thanks buddy.... |
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| Becky experiences a real Poo-nami. |
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| Sammy is like the Fresh Prince in that he dresses for himself and not others. |
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| What a difference 5 weeks makes |
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