Documentation of fatherhood insanity: July 2013

Things we have learned:

Proud moment of parenting: On April 7 Sammy asked me to read a full Star Wars book (the battle at Teth if you must know). I absolutely cannot wait until we get to show him star Wars (the original obviously).

So…..what do you do with your child when they know they are doing something wrong and are willing to take the punishment? Multiple times at this point, Samson will do something he knows is wrong and will say” Sammy didn't listen. He got a timeout right here. Sammy had to sit down.” Or he’ll go sit down and say “I need a timeout”

Sammy understands the concept of time (not what the actual length of time means but he gets the idea). How many times a day do we hear “5 more minutes!”

Small list of spectacularly ridiculous things that spurred tantrums (there are so many, but these are a few):

1) The water bottle was closed

2) Asked mom to vacuum and then she did

Samson definitely started telling us when he pooped and when he needs a diaper change. That says, in his mind he always leaves out the part that he says in his mind that goes something like “I told you I pooped. But there is no way in hell you are changing my diaper.”

What do you say when you look down and see your child put a fistful of sand in his mouth? What do you do when 2 minutes later it happens again?

It is not easy to understand Samson when you ask him a question and his immediate response is “Yes no.” “Yes no.” or the always fun “No.yes” which signifies that he was just inclined to say “no” to annoy us but then realizes it’s something he wants.

Danielle is clearly influencing Sammy:

Sammy: Sammy go bye bye

Danielle: Where do you want to go?

Sammy: Want to go to Target

The crying recap is getting really special. What is the crying recap? It usually goes something like this:

1) Danielle or I ask Sammy to stop doing something

2) Sammy freaks out and throws a tantrum for 3 minutes

3) he then promptly stops crying and says: "I cried"

4) we say: " why are you crying?"

5) Here's the recap: Sammy will explain " cried because __________ [insert some reason that is not at all worth crying over]

Ummm so when his pal Johnny got a time out, Samson went and sat next to him only to say "Sammy gets a timeout". Cause that's what friends do.

We might have a broken child on our hands. After 4 birthday celebrations the first thing he said Sunday morning was: "Want to open more presents"

How to make your heart melt:

We have a tradition at the end of each week where we thank Samson for a great weekend (assuming it was good) and tell him how much fun we had. The other night he started thanking us for all the things he liked about the weekend! "thank you for zoo" "thank you for tiger" thank you for food" (he likes food). The following week it was: “ thank you butterflies. Thank you giraffe.” Just amazing.

Manners! We have manners. While literally stepping on Danielle to "wanna pick a book" from his bookshelf he uttered: "sorry mommy"

After waking up when the cleaning lady was at the house:

"Bertha, I'm up! Thank you cleaning!"

He also called her “Chica-mala” the other day. Not making that up.

Sammy's first prank: tightening all the laces in my shoes. Hahaveryfunny.

Empathy! We have empathy!

- Upon learning that a whale was hurt: “Whale has a boo boo. Needs to go to the doctor.”

- While reading a book about a boy named Ira who lost something:

Josh: why is Ira sad?

Sammy: sad lost Shabbat box

So.....what do you do when, after accidentally leaving the ipad lying around you find that your child has opened it up, somehow made their way to Amazon Prime streaming movies, and is now watching the preview for Evil dead? Seriously. What do you do? Oops...

The sleep bunny is a fascinating tool. This is essentially an alarm clock for parents (not kids). It’s for parents because the whole goal is to train your kids not to come get you until the “bunny” wakes up. We know the bunny is up when we hear yelling from Sammy’s room “THE BUNNY IS UP!!! DADDY! THE BUNNY WOKE UP!! MOMMY! THE BUNNY!!!!! THE BUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY IS UP!” “Wanna go play now.”

Samson is a whiz at the alphabet! All of a sudden he started pointing to letters and associating them with people and things:

D is for daddy

M is for mommy

A is for apple

N is for Nora!!!

F is for Fiona!

K is for Kroo

S is for Sammy

Samson has 2 speeds:

1) Running

2) Not moving

So we spend most of our time just wondering what’s going to come out of Samson’s mouth next. It literally takes you by surprise every day. I mean, well, here’s what our lives have been like the last 2 months!

On his birthday:

Danielle: Sammy, what do you want for your birthday

Sammy: mmmm...cake.

Josh: How old are you turning Sammy?

Sammy: 2!

On languages:

While counting the number of cheerios he wanted I had Sammy count in english, spanish and then hebrew!

On judging his parent’s clothing choices:

Josh: Danielle, does this sweater look ok?

Danielle: It's a little small

Sammy (apparently wanting to join in): Fat.

Danielle: what?

Sammy: Daddy is fat

Josh: Really? How does he even know to say that?

On shopping:

Danielle: do you want to go to the park with Nora or to target?

Sammy: target. wanna go to target

On funny noise making:

Sammy: aaahhhhghghhaaaaaaah. Asaagahagaaaaa.

Josh: what are you doing Sammy?

Sammy: I'm going to say "aaaah"

While eating cake:

Sammy: "AWESOME" !

On pretending:

Sammy while holding a remote.

Kenia: Sammy what are you doing?

Sammy: watching tv

Kenia: we don't watch tv

Sammy: oh. I'm pretending to watch TV.

On how to say thank you:

Sammy (standing up on couch screaming out the window): THANK YOU KENIA FOR SHIRTS!

Danielle: Sammy what are you doing?

Sammy: I'm saying thank you to Kenia

On the location of Sabbah:

Sammy: where is sabba

Danielle: Sabba is at hockey

Sammy: No. Sabba is in Montreal

More on pretending:

Sammy: I want wake up daddy!

Danielle: he's sleeping

Sammy: Gonna pretend to wake up daddy

On his artistry:

"Mommy - I drawing on the wall"

On Shabbat:

After lighting shabbat candles: "do Hamotzi"

While doing Friday night kiddush: "Baruch ata Adonai..."

On work:

"Mommy take the train. Daddy go make money."

On being brave:

After a peacock at the zoo screeched so loud Sammy literally jumped 3 feet out of his stroller paralyzed with fear before pausing, and then crying:

Sammy: "Daddy, I was scared. I cried."

Josh: "You should tell him not to do that"

Sammy: "Peacock. Don't do that!"

Understanding Time:

Danielle: Sammy, we need to go take a bath

Sammy: 5 more minutes.

At the Natural History Museum:

"Kenia the dinosaur is going to get u "

On travel:

Sammy: wanna go to Montreal

Ilana: how will you get there

Sammy: two minutes!

Danielle: you can get there in 2 minutes!?!

Sammy: YEAAAAAH!

Danielle: you can time travel?

Sammy: bye bye!!

Acting Skills:

Sammy now sings “C is for cookie” in a deep Cookie Monster voice

Fabulous email from Danielle a few weeks ago when I was out of town:

“woke up at 6am today ( no poop was just up and wanted to play). He has been exhausted all morning and while eating lunch with Kenia where was the conversation.”

Kenia: Baby, you look tired

Sammy: I wanna nap

Kenia: Sammy, why are you so tired? What time did you wake up?

Sammy: Oh, I don’t know, 6:30? I whined.

That is how the conversation went, I kid you not.

On his intimidation factor: “Daddy I am tough and big”

What’s in a name:

Danielle: What is your name

Sammy: Sammy Ezra Kroo

Pictures for your amusement:

Trying out all the kiddie furniture in Ikea makes the trips even shorter. Ok, that's a lie. We were there forever and a day.

This did not end well.

Sammy demonstrating to us how Baby #2 will be arriving. Next day shipping from Diapers.com of course.

Dad's sunglasses from 1987 make everything fun.

ok - When I said let's try out the potty this is not what I had in mind

Kickin' it on the big boy swing

Somebody needs a nap.

After 2 years of trying these cousins officially are playing together!

For real.

Just a couple of dudes riding the bus into the city to party

Dad's dream is also very dangerous in our apartment. But how could I take it away!?!

Could not wait until we were outside to try his new scooter out.

A birthday see-saw with Hannah

How we eat when mom is out of town. mmmm....spaghetti

multi-instrumentalist

Someone adores Aunty Jen

Learning from the master...

This is a 4 year old, right?

it is hot in New York in the summer. and Sweaty.

Best buds.

"D" is for Daddy

Every children's museums has these petri dish water play areas that gross me out to no end. It's literally a cess pool of germs. which is why every child there inevitably sticks their hands in and drinks some. GROSSITATING.