Documentation of fatherhood insanity: April 2013

Things I have learned:

If you ask for opinions you will get them. For example: what Shirt would you like to wear ended in no shirt because the desired Thomas the Train shirt was in the laundry.

When your child is being mean to one parent or another – maybe a little analytical thinking will help? For example, this was a conversation we had when Sammy was having an anti-mom moment:

Josh: do you love mommy?

Sammy: love mommy

Josh: can we be nice to mommy?

Sammy: nice to mommy

Josh: can we invite her back?

Sammy: mommy come

Danielle: hi Sammy

Sammy: hi mommy. Be nice to mommy.

We need a house. Why? Because I guess Sammy wants one?

Sammy: Wanna House.

Josh: You want a house?

Sammy: Wanna house please.

Josh: Do you want a big house?

Sammy: Yes.

Sammy is a little advanced for his age when it comes to the ladies.

Report number one: After bath time one day he ended up chasing Nora around (sans clothing) yelling: "Naked Sammy! Naked Sammy!"

Report number two: Mr flirty, upon seeing a new little girl outside said: "Ooh! Who is that!?!"

Sammy has his own special way of hugging. It involves a slow walk where he leans in and waits for you to hug him.

We have learned the word "because". Still working on its proper use though. Good examples of how we are using this new word: "Because Daddy is jewish". "Because Mommy is sleeping."

The only problem is that there is no first part of the sentence.

We also learned about remorse: After writing on my pants with a crayon, I explained that we need to be careful and write on paper not pants. Instant crying ensued:

Josh: it's ok. You'll know for next time. It will come out

Sammy (tears streaming): I'm crying because...I'm crying.

Josh: it's ok

Sammy: I'm sad.

You have to love the honesty in kids:

Josh (to Danielle): how is he not sleeping yet!?!

Danielle: *frowny face*

Josh: Sammy, how are you not sleeping?!?

Sammy: not tired.

Or:

"Sammy is screaming." Thanks for the update, pal.

Or:

Sammy: waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

Kenia: Sammy, what are you doing?

Sammy: Sammy is whining

We have reached the wonderfully inquisitive phase of life. Sammy is like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit (the eighties movie – come on now!). He needs constant input. The following phrase is uttered almost every other minute: "What is this" "What is this" "what's this" what's this"

every parent's favorite expression is clearly: "Again" or "doitagain". This typically results in me being very tired from doing something (ex: tossing sammy in the air).

Sammy is now at the exact right length that I need to be careful when I'm holding him. I learned this the hard way with one swift leg kick of his. Can you say jockstrap?

I’m excited to report that while Sammy still has daredevil tendencies, he’s starting to understand the dangers of life. Upon peering over the top of a big slide: "Kenia - it's too big."

Mr. Creative also loves to make up his own songs. Sometimes it’s just doo daahs and other sounds, but other times it’s very specific. Like when he wrote a new verse to the wheels on the bus that went: "Savtahs on the bus goes up and down, up and down, up and down". There nothing like hearing that at 5am when you are sharing a hotel room in Lake George by the way.

Samson is learning to fib. He woke up one morning and starts yelling "I poopied!" Repeatedly. Naturally I jumped out of bed to go change him. i take off the diaper and ask him why there’s no poop. He then proceeded to crack up and laugh in my face for the next few minutes. Doh!

We have a little “Potty tease” living with us. Sammy regularly says:

Sammy: want to Potty

Danielle: You want to go Potty?

Sammy: Yes

Danielle: ok. Let’s go potty (together they head to the potty)

Danielle: Do you want to sit on it?

Sammy: nooooooooooo

Danielle: but you said you wanted to go potty

Sammy: No Potty

#$@%$#T$#TNM$#GF

Parental theorem number 407: No nap + cup of maple syrup (we were on a tour) = bad idea.

Sammy can occasionally be grateful. But he is selectively grateful. After devouring fresh pineapple all afternoon at aunt Shelly's house, on our way out he says to her: "thank you pineapple". Never mind the toys he got, etc....it's all about the food.

You have to watch what you are saying these days in our house:

Danielle (to josh): hey babe

Josh: what's up?

Sammy: babe

Danielle: what did you just call daddy?

Sammy: babe

Danielle: hahahajahjaah

Sammy: daddy babe.

3 days later on FaceTime Sammy says babe to me.

New section: Quotables:

Now that Sammy is talking up a storm I’ll be including “quotables” hopefully you find them funny because these days we spend hours just laughing about the things he says

"Hallelujah. Take a nap."

"S is for Sammy"

I had the joy of waking up to: "daddy! Daddy! Josh! Josh! Josh! Daddy josh! Daddyjosh! Josh! Daddy! Daddydaddy! Josh."

"My name is Sam." Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! You are still our little Sammy please!!

"Sabbah is in china."

“After I take a nap go Montreal”

Danielle: who lives in china?

Sammy: Chinese. Chinese. Chinesechinese. Chinese.

Upon having some blocks put in front of him – he began to coach himself up: “Ok - I can do it”

First full sentence: "Mommy is giving daddy a hug"

“Sabbah made a mess.”

“Oh. I wanna go to Paris.”

“No way. No way!!”

“Oh my gosh”

“Oh my goodness”

Josh: What is Aunty rochelle’s last name?

Sammy: Rochelle ohmygosh

Many, many pictures for your amusement

Reading time with Danny. Danny said: "I know Sammy is reading but I'm not sure he really can since I'm 3 and I can't read yet."

BLUEBERRIES. BLUUUUUUUUEBERRIES!!!

Our house is kind of like day care. Sammy and his friends.

Trying to walk in the snow with Sabbah

Sammy is having fun. Savtah? How about you?

This was before the "It's cold as hell get me out of here" meltdown.

Building a snowman

Concentrating very hard in an attempt to eat the snow

Survival at brunch these days requires some good reading sessions

Look at this picture - how is he not even 2 years old!?!

Wild ride to the Norwalk aquarium with Kenia and Nora

That's a big turtle, man.

Amazing hat.

Mind. Blown.

Completing his dream weekend with Nora. Walking hand in hand at the Natural history Museum.

bathtub crayons. A good idea until you look and see your son with a blue crayon in his mouth that is disintegrating. shhhhhh. Don't tell Danielle.

the Swiffer is a genius invention. While giving him a broom results in pushing dirt around the house, this actually get's things clean!

Purim with pal Ben. Yes, I'm trying to get as much mielage out of that Jedi costume as possible.

With Naama in the park. Sammy is only slightly bigger.

When you are roomates in college, or working in a comic store together, you never really think that one day your friends will all have kids that hang out. Seen here is Shai with Samson, Naama and Caleigh. wild.