Week 14

Things I have learned this week

-      We’ve discovered some new “tells” of Sammy’s. Mainly, it’s a look notifying us that he’s about to unleash some crying

o   Step 1: curl down (his huge) lower lip into a big frown

o   Step 2: make movements with mouth signaling that he is considering what kind of an explosion this will be

o   Step 3: mini whimper

o   Step 4: Make angry eyes

o   Step 5 (fun!): Yell at top of lungs

-      I accidentally made Sammy’s thumb bleed with nail clippers. I blame Danielle (why not?) I don’t think he remembers but I am still extremely traumatized.

-      In the most distressing news of the week – the woombie has officially been retired (so that we don’t stunt his motor skill development while he sleeps, according to the Dr.) We will be having a ceremonial retirement first chance we get. In the meantime goodbye for the woombie equates to me crying (a lot) at 2am when Sammy wakes up (this is new).

-      On the bright side, we have a quick and easy way of dealing with a 2am wakeup. After some serious diagnoses (this took 8 minutes) on Weds at 2:16am I figured it out. If I roll Sammy onto his side he will then sleep normally for the rest of the night.

-      Bad news: as a man, when your child is waking up and it’s not to feed, you actually have to do something about it. I liked it better when the only solution was a boob.

-      I will no longer be saying I’m cutting Sammy’s nails. Henceforth we will be cutting his “talons”.

  

1.       The term : “whack-a-face”

Wă-ck – uh - fāce

      1.      –noun

Usually, a term used to signify that your baby is playing whack-a-mole on his face with his fists while trying to sleep. One hopes this stops soon into the post-swaddle era.

-      I am a sissy. There’s no way around this. It has been proven. And my wife calls me out on it. All the time. Here’s how we know - The Sammy meltdown and how we handled it last week:

[Sammy in full meltdown – power squats no longer working…we put him down in his crib and left the room]

o   Danielle: wait, he’s calming down

o   Josh: I hate hearing him cry – he’s so little!

o   Danielle: Actually he’s pretty big

o   Josh: Let’s just give him a pacifier – It’ll calm him down

o   Danielle: He’s starting to calm himself down – If we go in, it will get worse.

o   Josh: but he can’t self soothe if his hands are in the woombie (this was before it’s retirement?

o   Danielle: really? Really?

o   Josh: It will be quick. Promise.

Let’s just say – it was not quick. It did not get better. And we went with her plan in the end. And now I have been dubbed a Sissy.

-      There is a horrible decision that I find myself frequently making. When Sammy wakes up at 5am to feed, it’s easy – I go back to sleep and will most likely be tired by the end of the day. When he wakes up at 6am, it’s just enough time for me to sleep and rip myself up a little while later only to feel exhausted. So: tired in beginning of the day? Or the end? I’m looking for a win-win here….

 -      There is a large, serious debate lurking in the Kroo family home. Danielle is only being made aware of this now, in this blog. The debate over who will watch Sammy during the fantasy football draft could get ugly. Never mind my call for volunteer babysitters so we could see Harry Potter – we need help during the draft!

    Section about poo (not for the faint of heart - feel free to skip)

-      Every once in a while you still get shocked as a dad. Just when you think you've seen it all you pick up your child out of the car seat only to find your arm covered in poo... and the car seat filled with poo. And the straps. Pictures available on request….OK, not really. Well, maybe.

-      I spent the better part of Thursday laughing under my breath in a meeting filled with about 20 people. Danielle sent me an email containing the quote of the week (and an accompanying picture):

o   “I actually yelled and gagged when I saw this. Had to share.” [The picture in reference was of Sammy’s bare bottom and an accompanying diaper]

 

     Important Statistics we are tracking:

-      Number of sleepovers for Sammy: 2 (We had 2 year old Omer Zezak with us this week – so cute!)

-      Number of times Sammy projectile vomited up some milk at someone elses house: 1 (this hasn’t happened in about 2 months – what gives?)

           

 - 

        I'm not sleeping enough moment of the week    

           After 3 minutes standing in my elevator, checking the iphone, it came to my attention that I had not pushed a button yet.

    Things we googled this week         

      When is the next growth spurt? - Apparently, At 2am on Tuesday night

-          Sleep sack age start

-         When to stop swaddling

-         When does Baby stop hitting in face in sleep

-         Baby cries in his sleep

    

    

   Pictures for your amusement

Sometimes I wonder what must be going through Sammy's mind - I mean, he's mesmerized because I essentially dropped a giant, alien looking object the size of a baby in his face

chilling with mom on the couch

As a Faby, you have to be willing to eat anything. Including a mosquito net.

Looking super cute in his big boy PJs. What you don't get is how unbelievably complicated it is to change a diaper in this lovely outfit.

I have a large nose. For Sammy's clarification we are showing him Sabbah's (grandpa's) big nose. Yes, he will most likely have a big nose.

Fun development of the week - learning to use the hands to put things in his mouth. Next up, pacifier training.

Impressing good musical taste on Sammy is mission critical. Or Danielle really likes shopping at H&M, which in this case, I support.

I'm pretty sure we only had one kid - yet I find myself surrounded by many all the time (I like them though!) - This is Omer and Danielle discussing important matters in the kitchen.

Woombie transition....horrifying

Sammy's I'm too sexy pose. showing a whole lotta leg! Of course, this is easy when he wears no pants.

A different way of learning Hebrew

Swim Diaper. Shotgun not cleaning it if he poops in it.

 We caught Sammy having a bad dream while in his carseat. Sometimes he's smiling and laughing in his sleep - this time? not so much.....

Week 13

-       Danielle has started to change the way she speaks to me. Often, instead of saying “you” when addressing me, she says “we” in an attempt to make it seem like she’s not asking me to do something. Like we’re a “team”. Let me tell you – there’s no team in the phrases “maybe  we should get his bath ready” or “maybe we should get a bottle ready”, etc….you get the idea.

-       I spent my first night with Sammy alone. We survived (both father and son are doing well and recovering). I learned that apparently, you cannot call it babysitting when it’s your own child.  Is it sad that I want an award when I’ve watched Sammy for 2 straight hours – nevermind 24 hrs!?!

-       It has been determined that it’s not about the # of hours Sammy sleeps. He just wakes up at 5:45. Everyday. Therefore there is no benefit to mom and dad when he’s up past 8:30pm

-       Danielle called me on Friday and notified me that Sammy took such a big Poo-nami that he had to be hosed down in the tub. Ridiculous.

-       I’ve been feeling mildly bad that when it’s bath night and time slips away from us and then we say – “eh – it can wait until tomorrow” and then let Sammy smell for one more day. I mean, it’s not like he’s got someone to impress but still….

-       There’s an open invitation to babysit so Danielle and I can see Harry Potter. Just putting it out there. You’re all invited. Kidding, kidding....

-       Sammy might be developing a good sense of humor. When walking through the nuances of changing a boy’s diaper for cousin Jaclyn (who babysat this week) this is what went down:

o   Josh: This is a peepee teepee. We haven’t used it in months though, because he kind of lets us know.

o   Jaclyn: ok, sounds good.

o   Josh: Yeah – when he’s about to go, his thingy will stand up.

o   Jaclyn: oh, ok.

o   Josh (removing diaper): See, it’s not standing up – no problem!

o   Jaclyn: Watch out!

Thanks pal…

-       You know life has changed when you go to a Brooklyn birthday BBQ on Sunday afternoon and then you walk into the living room only to see 3 babies, all feeding, pooping, sleeping, etc…. What has become of us!?!

-       Sammy is like his father when it comes to Brooklyn. He was wearing his cool “Brooklyn” onesie there this weekend and promptly pooed all over it forcing us to change him. No offense to the Brooklyn-ites. I love you all as people.

-       Worst news for the week: Our pediatrician told us he’s getting too big for his woombie! I spent the better part of an evening crying in devastation.

-       Sammy might be a māby. He’s wearing only 6 month size clothes at this point!

-       Sammy naps really well to Jackson Brown. But should I feel guilty when he’s subliminally absorbing the lyrics to “Cocaine”…

1.       The term : “_āby”

_ā-bee

      1.      –noun

Usually, a term used to signal something about your baby in an abbreviated, subtle way, telling people what’s up with your baby. Hopefully said baby is not savvy enough to pick up on it.

-          Examples include:

o   Fāby: Fat baby

o   Bāby: Big Baby

o   Māby: Mega baby

o   Tāby: Tall baby

o   āby: Angry baby

o   Gāby: Gassy baby

o   Smāby: Smelly baby

Statistics we are tracking:

-       Longest time without pooping: 24 hrs! Scary….

-       Largest in-crib rotation while trying to poop in sleep: 180 degrees

-       Longest time without seeing a boob: 24hrs (and he survived – but barely)

-       Statistical growth update:

o   Height: 96^th percentile

o   Weight: 75^th percentile

o   Size of head (Do we really need to measure this?): 25^th – 50^th percentile (come on head! Catch up!)

Comment of the week: “I taught Sammy about what bulimia was when I saw him putting his fingers in his mouth.”

Danielle quote of the week: “Sammy has been having some gas issues of late” – He’s a Gāby!

Things we googled this week

-          “Baby too much gas”

-          “Gassy baby”

-          “different types of leg jerking”

-          “Sleep sack and how to use it”

-          “when is danielle coming home” (ok, I didn’t google this but I thought about it!)

Major developments of the week:

-          Half roll over

-          Sleeping on side

Big thanks:
-   Neil/Susannah and George (for growing out of all his clothing and toys) for all the gear!
-   Jaclyn for her extraordinary babysitting skills!

This way to the gun show.

Appropriating our bed (and sleeping on his side)

Post bath dry-off in his personal towel. Not, for those wondering, wearing a KKK uniform. That would be bad.

What have we become!?! What has Danielle done to us!?!

New football hold. Also helps with the gassiness!

Learning to walk/use his legs with Mom. Note, despite his head not keeping up (in terms of percentile) with the rest of him, it's huge!

Chilling in Mom and Dad's room.

This is where Sammy starts sleeping at around 8:30pm.

This is generally where we find him at 5am....

This is how he gets there....and how we know his woombie is not long for this world....

knitted peepee teepee

I always thought my dad, when he was younger, looked like Sean Astin (Rudy). Now I think Sammy does. Therefore maybe Sammy looks like my Dad? Either way, Sean Astin looks like a baby.

This is not Danielle leaking - This is Sammy letting mom know that he's ready to be done with the Doctor's office. By peeing on her.

The Captain of Drool. Elite Drooler bubble blower status achieved.

Weeks 11/12

Things I have learned:

-       Sometimes people might be giving Sammy a little more credit than he’s due at this point in his young life. We called the folks at NEXUS (border crossing agency that lets you skip all the lines when traveling between Canada and the US). I asked them whether he needed a Nexus card (he does) in order to get through with us. This is what they told me: “He needs his own card but don’t worry – The security checks are minimal” – Ummm….He’s 3 months old. Who exactly is he be associated with???

-       Samson lets us entertain guests in the house. To a degree. This is what Sammy’s probably thinking:

“Behave…. Behave….. I should really behave so everyone thinks I’m cool. I can show off for mom and dad. I’m going to smile. They’re holding me. This is nice. Wait….why am I being passed to this person. I’m HUNGRY! What the heck! Alright, enough nicey, nice….I’m going to tell them who’s boss….WAHHHHHHHHHH!”

-       We’ve recently been trying something called the dream feed (I hate that I listen to the damn Baby Whisperer…). This involves giving Samson about an ounce of milk while he’s sleeping before we go to bed – without waking him up. Not to make light of a serious movie, but this feels a little like when they diffuse a bomb in Hurt Locker. First comes the sweat. Then some whispered coordination between mom and dad. Then slowly creeping into the room….slow motion movement of the bottle towards Sammy’s mouth and then…..I realize that Danielle cannot figure out how to do this without hitting him in the head with the bottle. Pass bottle to dad…..resume tricky feeding plans….

-       Sammy has found a new game that keeps him occupied for long periods of time. It’s called the “Hey – look at me, I can fit my whole hand into my mouth at one time” game. Sometimes, when he’s in the mood for a big challenge he’ll play “Hey! Check this out! I can get most of my 2 hands into my mouth!” Mom and Dad: Proud.

-       It has come to our attention that Sammy is a very laid back kid. You’d think that taking him swimming for the first time in his life (by swimming I held him) might have triggered some sort of shock to him (i.e. how did I get into this giant body of water). But really, he may as well have been in his car seat…

-       Last week I literally could not get the smell of his poop out of my nose…this is terrible. I'm not looking forward to solid food.

-       We never learn our lessons as parents. Sammy knows when we brag about him, and continues to try to teach us lessons by karmically taunting us. We were hanging out with our friends Matt and Jill (with the grandparents babysitting). The conversation went like this:

Jill: How long does he sleep for?

Danielle: Most nights from 9pm to 6am

Matt: Wow! That’s awesome. So he won’t wake up tonight?

Josh: No he never… [cell phone rings]

Josh: Hello?

Grandparent: He’s up. You need to come home….

This is THE ONLY TIME he woke up in the middle of the night in the last month….

-       We ordered Samson a bigger Woombie this week. I felt mildly bad when the next up sizes were “Big baby”and then “Mega baby”! We’re not quite at Mega baby yet….

1.       The term : “Pants Protocol”

Pants Pro-t-o-col

      1.      –noun

Usually, a term used to signal that a discussion on whether pants are needed for your child on a specific occasion is needed.

2. – Abbreviation: PP

          Examples of PP discussions have included:

o   PP for a baby naming at synagogue? Pants

o   PP for a visit to a restaurant?

-  Important follow up questions needed: average cost of meal. If lower than $20, no pants required.

o   Visit with grandparents: No pants

o Visit with great grandparents: Pants

o   Engagement party in someone’s house: No Pants

o   You get the idea….

It would seem that Sammy rarely, if ever, wears pants

-       We took Sammy to a park in Montreal last week. Things you never feel good about asking yourself: “what is the effect of second hand pot smoke on a baby”? Oh, Montreal…. (note: there was some criminal activity taking place relatively close to where we were sitting but not too close...)

-       Sammy loves a good joke. When in Montreal and hanging out with uncle Gerry, he decided to play a joke during one of Gerry’s stories. Every time (during a very serious story) Gerry started talking, Sammy would poop a little in his pants. Loudly. This went on for a full 5 minutes. It was awesome!

Best adult comment of the week: 

“I hear your son has really big balls. Can I see? – {examination of the nether region takes place} oh wow…my kid’s aren’t that big!” 

Danielle quote of the week:   “We’ve got to get him new nipples”

Major developments of the week (that make us proud):

-          Clasping hands

-          Carrying on a full conversation for 20 minutes in baby babble. Incredible!

-          Inserting thumb into mouth

-          90% neck control!

-          Getting a girl's top off (Sammy met a topless Roni Dalfen last week!)

-          First co-ed sleepover with a girl (15 month old Claire Wagner was visiting.) Pants protocol: No pants.

o   Note: To those parents that have 2 kids. Good luck to you. Holy shit!

Important statistics we are tracking

-       Number of pees in a bath: 1

-       Number of baths: 6 (in 2 weeks!) way to go mom and dad….

-       Number of times people said: “OMG – he’s huge!” in the last 2 weeks: at least 20….But I prefer “
big boned” or “healthy”.

-       Number of times people in Montreal said “look at those poulkies!”: 7  - this means fat legs in yiddish…

Things we googled this week

-        “How to get a baby to burp”

-        “Different nipples for newborns” (i.e. for bottles). You can imagine what google pulled up for that one

-        “Slow vs. fast nipples” (infinite humor ensues when googling anything with the word nipple)

-        Structured sleeping for newborns

Big Thank You: Bobby Lillianfeld for his babysitting expertise (and for the hand-knitted peepee teepee.) 

Pictures for your amusement 

Date with Claire Wagner - this was seriously chaperoned to prevent any hanky panky

Grocery shopping takes on a different challenge - How to get what you need when you can only fit as much into the cart as the car seat allows. Not the most effective shopping technique...

Pictures that will bother Sammy later in life. Yes, he's wearing a diaper.

As a Canadian parent living in the US, the earlier you ingrain hockey into their blood the better...

Comparison of Sammy's diaper vs. a 2 yr old's - I am not excited for a diaper that is sized to hold that much "damage"

Eating at the big boy table. Lesson learned for dad - do not put metal fork in child's hand: they will try to put it in their eye (WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???). Other things to note in this picture: 1) I had the espresso before dinner (I'm tired!), 2) I eat a lot.

Sammy is upset by his social faux pas of having his diaper stick out the top of his pants. How embarrassing!

4 generations of Kroo men

“Hey – look at me, I can fit my whole hand into my mouth at one time” game

Getting ready to play “Hey! Check this out! I can get most of my 2 hands into my mouth!”

So cool....

The indifferent swimmer

Engagement party PP: No pants! looking cool though with the "born to ride" onesie and pacifier

Aunt Susannah was having success with the new hold - then things took a turn for the worse....

Week 10

Things I have learned:

-         I’ve decided that this is the sequence of Sammy’s thoughts when he’s over tired and trying to fall asleep but can’t:

o   Sammy: “ok, I’m super tired and cranky – I really need to sleep. I think there are 3 options:

1.       I can yell, thereby making everyone around me super tired. This may not help me sleep, but I bet I’ll feel better. Misery loves company.

2.       I can repeatedly poke myself in the eyes. Not sure why this seems like a good idea but I can’t help myself! Weeeeeee!

3.       I can play hard to get with the pacifier that will instantly knock me out. You know, I can pretend to mom and dad like I don’t like it, then surprise! I’ll suck it into my mouth with the force of an industrial Dyson Vacuum cleaner and fall asleep in 2 seconds.

 I know….I’ll do all three!”

-        Sammy’s new habit: Waiting until I’m feeding with mom to unleash a poo-nami, therby ruining a good pair of pants

-        Note to self: if you accidentally put a newborn size diaper on a 14 pound baby, when they pee, It will get on your lap. And by your lap, I mean grandma’s…

-        When you put noise cancelling headphones on a baby at a concert and they fall asleep, when they wake up it will freak them out that they can’t hear. Whoops.

-        Driving long distances with kids is a precarious task even on the best of days. During the last 4.5 hour stretch of our drive to Montreal, Danielle forbid me to stop and pee. Our conversation during the last 45 minutes:

o   Josh: Ok, it’s been almost 4 hours. I really have to pee.

o   Danielle: If we stop and he wakes up, it will be a 30 minute feeding. Can’t you hold it? We’re almost there.

o   Josh: We’re 45 minutes away.

o   Danielle: Man up. We’re not stopping.

o   Josh: These speed bumps hurt!

Suffice it to say, we made it….

-        Funny thing to do on a long drive: Eat a large bowl of chili before you leave. Then let your wife keep checking to see if your son pooped his pants during the drive – pretending like it’s not you that farted.

-        Why is it that every morning when Sammy wakes up, he reacts as if he’s never breast fed before?

-        I am not really considered as a relevant source of comfort and safety for Sammy by most people. Point in case: How come whenever we go to the doctor they always say to Sammy – “do you want your mommy?” What the hell? I’ve been right there holding him and comforting him for the last 20 minutes???

-        There’s a possibility that Sammy will be a sleep walker. Every night we put him to sleep at the top of his crib. When he wakes up hours later, he’s wiggled his way to the bottom. We can mark the distance with the pacifier that’s been left 2 feet behind. Scary!

Important statistics we are tracking:

-        Minutes of Tummy time before notification that it is not liked: 4 (vs. the recommended 25 – damn!)

-        Length of time Sammy was hanging in some pee (he peed on his shirt) before we noticed – 15 minutes (sorry!)

-        Number of neck rolls: 5 (see below)

-        # of consecutive squats done to get Sammy to calm down during a freak out session: 50 (and I could hardly walk the rest of the day - I think I could make a baby calming exercise video)

-        # of conference calls taken while feeding Sammy: 1 (I cannot vouch for full participation but I'm proud!)

Things we googled this week

-         How much does a 2 month old eat? – translation: how is our baby so huge?

-        Cradle cap

-       How much tummy time?

-       Right bedtime for a 2 month old

-       Baby stomping 

Best adult questions of the week:

-        “Can I see your baby’s penis? I want to see if our moyal did a good job.”

-        “Josh, have you ever tried Danielle’s milk from the source? Just wondering…”

Pictures/ Videos for your amusement 

I count 5 rolls. Those rolls can conceal dried milk.quite gross.

Some say fat arms. I say muscle.

Sammy at summer Stage with noise canceling headphones

Waking up - "wait, why can't I hear anything???" or "Really? You think it's ok to put these giant things on my head!?!"

This is what happens when you put giant headphones on a mushy face...

Road warriors....yes, I am changing Sammy outside of a Panera in Clifton, NY (the bathrooms were nasty!)

Hipster

Sammy requires all readers to have serious conviction in what they are saying - Jenny really got into the animal noises found in the instant classic, Moo, Baa, La La La by the John Grisham of baby books (i.e. pumps out a book about just about any garbage at a ridiculous rate), Sandra Boynton.

 

I found another "comfy" place  to sleep!

 The Calm-squatting technique. Not recommended for the faint of heart or those who value walking in the near future