Documentation of fatherhood insanity: Week 14

Things I have learned this week

- We’ve discovered some new “tells” of Sammy’s. Mainly, it’s a look notifying us that he’s about to unleash some crying

o Step 1: curl down (his huge) lower lip into a big frown

o Step 2: make movements with mouth signaling that he is considering what kind of an explosion this will be

o Step 3: mini whimper

o Step 4: Make angry eyes

o Step 5 (fun!): Yell at top of lungs

- I accidentally made Sammy’s thumb bleed with nail clippers. I blame Danielle (why not?) I don’t think he remembers but I am still extremely traumatized.

- In the most distressing news of the week – the woombie has officially been retired (so that we don’t stunt his motor skill development while he sleeps, according to the Dr.) We will be having a ceremonial retirement first chance we get. In the meantime goodbye for the woombie equates to me crying (a lot) at 2am when Sammy wakes up (this is new).

- On the bright side, we have a quick and easy way of dealing with a 2am wakeup. After some serious diagnoses (this took 8 minutes) on Weds at 2:16am I figured it out. If I roll Sammy onto his side he will then sleep normally for the rest of the night.

- Bad news: as a man, when your child is waking up and it’s not to feed, you actually have to do something about it. I liked it better when the only solution was a boob.

- I will no longer be saying I’m cutting Sammy’s nails. Henceforth we will be cutting his “talons”.

1. The term : “whack-a-face”

Wă-ck – uh - fāce

1. –noun

Usually, a term used to signify that your baby is playing whack-a-mole on his face with his fists while trying to sleep. One hopes this stops soon into the post-swaddle era.

- I am a sissy. There’s no way around this. It has been proven. And my wife calls me out on it. All the time. Here’s how we know - The Sammy meltdown and how we handled it last week:

[Sammy in full meltdown – power squats no longer working…we put him down in his crib and left the room]

o Danielle: wait, he’s calming down

o Josh: I hate hearing him cry – he’s so little!

o Danielle: Actually he’s pretty big

o Josh: Let’s just give him a pacifier – It’ll calm him down

o Danielle: He’s starting to calm himself down – If we go in, it will get worse.

o Josh: but he can’t self soothe if his hands are in the woombie (this was before it’s retirement?

o Danielle: really? Really?

o Josh: It will be quick. Promise.

Let’s just say – it was not quick. It did not get better. And we went with her plan in the end. And now I have been dubbed a Sissy.

- There is a horrible decision that I find myself frequently making. When Sammy wakes up at 5am to feed, it’s easy – I go back to sleep and will most likely be tired by the end of the day. When he wakes up at 6am, it’s just enough time for me to sleep and rip myself up a little while later only to feel exhausted. So: tired in beginning of the day? Or the end? I’m looking for a win-win here….

- There is a large, serious debate lurking in the Kroo family home. Danielle is only being made aware of this now, in this blog. The debate over who will watch Sammy during the fantasy football draft could get ugly. Never mind my call for volunteer babysitters so we could see Harry Potter – we need help during the draft!

Section about poo (not for the faint of heart - feel free to skip)

- Every once in a while you still get shocked as a dad. Just when you think you've seen it all you pick up your child out of the car seat only to find your arm covered in poo... and the car seat filled with poo. And the straps. Pictures available on request….OK, not really. Well, maybe.

- I spent the better part of Thursday laughing under my breath in a meeting filled with about 20 people. Danielle sent me an email containing the quote of the week (and an accompanying picture):

o “I actually yelled and gagged when I saw this. Had to share.” [The picture in reference was of Sammy’s bare bottom and an accompanying diaper]

Important Statistics we are tracking:

- Number of sleepovers for Sammy: 2 (We had 2 year old Omer Zezak with us this week – so cute!)

- Number of times Sammy projectile vomited up some milk at someone elses house: 1 (this hasn’t happened in about 2 months – what gives?)

I'm not sleeping enough moment of the week

After 3 minutes standing in my elevator, checking the iphone, it came to my attention that I had not pushed a button yet.

Things we googled this week

When is the next growth spurt? - Apparently, At 2am on Tuesday night

- Sleep sack age start

- When to stop swaddling

- When does Baby stop hitting in face in sleep

- Baby cries in his sleep

Pictures for your amusement

Sometimes I wonder what must be going through Sammy's mind - I mean, he's mesmerized because I essentially dropped a giant, alien looking object the size of a baby in his face

chilling with mom on the couch

As a Faby, you have to be willing to eat anything. Including a mosquito net.

Looking super cute in his big boy PJs. What you don't get is how unbelievably complicated it is to change a diaper in this lovely outfit.

I have a large nose. For Sammy's clarification we are showing him Sabbah's (grandpa's) big nose. Yes, he will most likely have a big nose.

Fun development of the week - learning to use the hands to put things in his mouth. Next up, pacifier training.

Impressing good musical taste on Sammy is mission critical. Or Danielle really likes shopping at H&M, which in this case, I support.

I'm pretty sure we only had one kid - yet I find myself surrounded by many all the time (I like them though!) - This is Omer and Danielle discussing important matters in the kitchen.