Documentation of fatherhood insanity: Week 25: A Little Solo Parenting

Things I have learned:

This week Sammy had 2 days of solo Dad time and 3 more of solo Mom time. I’d say HE survived if that was even a question. The real question is did WE survive? We did (I’m writing this)

Solo dad duty was great from a bonding sense. Not so great from a sleeping sense. Here was my neurotic schedule – and I say neurotic because there’s no reason for this: I would shoot out of bed at 5:30 to get the 6:30 bottle ready (no alarm, just my freakish circadian rhythms acting up.) Meanwhile, dreaming of Danielle (literally) giving Samson the bottle, he then wakes me up at 6:30 to feed him, at which point I’m up. So, yeah, I didn’t sleep much.

Sometimes I’m just flabbergasted by what’s happening to me. What does it say that I went to the park instead of watching the Giants game? Granted, The Giants game was a disaster and Sammy might not have been able to stare at the TV for too long, but I just felt insanely guilty keeping him inside on a gorgeous day. For context, I once refused to pick Danielle up from the airport because she was so “careless” to book her flight when the Gianst were playing. Oh how times have changed. I am weak, I know.

Sammy might be a Diet Coke addict in the making. He saw me drinking from a can and immediately associated it with his bottle (by clamoring for it). Should I be worried? Gavy (my sister for those that don’t know) was also a big fan as a baby – her first sentence was” I want Diet Coke!”)

Danielle and I can try to amuse Sammy all we want but it is apparently nothing compared to when he discovered himself in the mirror. He’s looked at himself in the mirror hundreds of times before – but last Sunday it was different. This time he seemed to think there was another baby. He would look away and then snap his head back to make sure his “friend” had not left – this cracked him up for a long time. Video evidence below.

Sometimes Sammy is difficult for no reason at all – for instance – I tried to put on a pair of sweat pants so he would not be cold outside. What is it with the sweat pants? What is so amusing about my getting one leg in, then while I’m getting leg two in, he pulls out leg one. Repeat. And repeat. And then….repeat. did I say repeat? Danielle says that I just have a lack of ‘skills’ in this area. Come on now...

Sammy holding his own bottle rocks. Except in the morning when he’s half asleep and mashes it into his face. While I found it funny I think he was annoyed.

My wife thinks that I’m “Monitor Obsessive.” She’s right.

But – that monitor obsessiveness netted me a great view of a true front to back rollover. He picked his butt up in the air and flat out propelled himself to his back, where he comfortably fell asleep. A great moment! Finally a conscious front to back rollover!

I really hate how contrived that damn show Up All Night is. Except that all the shit they show is true. Folding the stroller madness. Putting in the car seat base frustration. Damn them. My life is not that obvious is it!?!

On Tuesday we went into Sammy’s room and found him just lying there with his eyes open, curled up in a ball. Never having seen this before we grabbed him out of the crib and checked to make sure he was ok (read: he cried, so he was fine) Some googling helped to explain our idiocy - apparently babies sometimes sleep with their eyes open. When you boil it down, we were basically concerned and woke him up to hear him cry. Whoops.

Samson continues to explore the world through his mouth. I hope this trend changes when he’s older or things could get awkward. I’m envisioning that Seinfeld episode where George touches the material on someone’s jacket while in an elevator and gets yelled at. Except in my version Sammy puts it in his mouth.

Best commercial ever: Luvs diapers ad featuring…..”Heavy DOOTY protection”. I’m not making that up. It’s basically cartoon kids taking huge deuces into their diapers on a stage and then being graded by a panel of Olympic style judges. I’m not making this up. Someone wrote and animated that. Video reference below.

What does it mean when we get stern warnings from our Nanny to not undo all her hard work that week while she’s away (read: pacifier rehab, nice nap schedule, etc….)? She’s SO right….we’re suckers…

Important statistics we are tracking:

- Number of times Sammy tried to hug the ipad while I “face timed” with him: 2 (what did we do before all this amazing technology

- Number of horrible, choppy, unsynchronized bedtime songs Danielle and I tried to sing to Sammy while each of us was away: 4 (maybe it’s more for our own peace of mind)

- Number of times Sammy went to Dinosaur BBQ: 1 (I don’t think he cared much though)

- Number of times Sammy cried when the Giants blew their game last Sunday (We watched that horror on DVR): 1. And good for him.

- Number of consecutive days Sammy ate peas, despite clearly deciding they sucked: 3 (but according to Danielle he’s getting used to them.

Things we googled:

- "Babies sleeping with eyes open". Creepy.

Anonymous parental quote of the week:

“I have pretty much worn my wife down to letting me dress _____ up in Star Wars costumes. She’s too short for the ewok this year, but next year it’s on!”

Pictures for your amusement:

Every once in a while it's hilarious to look back at where we've come from. Speechless....

World exploration through the mouth. And showing off incredible flexibility (that's his foot in his mouth) with Grandpa Steve

Having abandoned football for greener pastures, Sammy shows off some mad skills

Monitor-obsessing after the major rollover

Watching the tragedy that was last week's Giants game

Sammy made a trip to Dinosaur BBQ. The expression of utter fear on his face is due to the fact that we had yet to explain to him that people were not in fact eating real Dinosaurs.