Week 23: A Brave New World. Of Solid Food.

Things I have Learned:

The best 5 minutes of each week is invariably when I find some silly noise that makes Sammy laugh uncontrollably. This week was sticking out my tongue and making funny noises as he cackled. Is there anything better than a baby laughing? Maybe a good scotch?

The second best part of the week (which lasted about 100 glorious minutes) was when Sammy fell asleep during his Saturday morning feeding and slept for another 1.5 hours. GLO-RI-OUS I say. He slept until 9:15am!

We’re in for a fascinating ride with this whole solid food thing. A text from our nanny on the first day: “He was too funny with the cereal. He ate it all AND drank his milk. He's gonna be a big eater.”

Somewhere along the way I got old. Last year at this time, we were leaving the house at 10pm or 11pm, going out and coming home at 2-3am. Often we’d go find a piece of pizza or make some mac & cheese when we got home. Last Friday we went out at 6:30pm. By 9:30 I had cut myself off after 3 drinks because I was getting up at 6:30am (I have learned). Then, instead of pizza or junk food, somehow I end up buying some greek yogurt (what, it was on sale!) and heading home.  What the hell happened?

You'd think that eating solid foods would be incredibly exciting for Sammy. An explosion of taste! Except that he gets to start off with a progression of the blandest foods in the world. Rice cereal gets you to oatmeal which gets you to.....wait for it...BARLEY! How lucky for him.

Surviving long car rides requires some real creativity. When all the toys stopped being interesting and when I had a headache from shaking my head making silly noises – I remembered that Sammy might be fascinated things I might find, say, mundane. Sammy, meet my water bottle. It was love at first sight and it got me through a good hour of pain free driving.

I’ll bet that based on past posts to the blog on poo-namis, and the general excitement we live with in relation to Sammy’s biological functions that you thought there would be some awesome post about what solid food means in this regard. Well let me tell you – you’re going to have to imagine it. Because words will not do it justice. Seriously. I'll only tell you that we experienced it in synagogue on Roch Hashanah. And man, it was special.

1.       The term : “Baby Snatcher”

Ba-bee snatch-er

–noun

Baby Snatcher. Usually, and adult whose children are grown up that will come and snatch a baby from   whoever is holding him or her without regard for: a) the baby and b) the person holding said baby.)

           Example: “holy cow! I just got baby jacked by that Baby Snatcher!”

Watching Danielle and listening to her “SO CUTE” and “AWWWWWW!” comments in the Carter outlet store made me think she may have wanted a baby just to buy it cute baby clothes. Or not – but man, she was enthusiastic. 

I'm  a little worried for the next couple of weeks. Sammy has discovered that when he gets excited, annoyed etc... He can violently thrash his arms up and down, pounding on his abs.  I'm worried because upon closer examination, his arms are long enough to reach his....er...nether regions. And when I say pounding I mean it. That could really hurt a guy!

      Things Samson tried to eat this week: My tie, my tallis (prayer shawl), the rug, Danielle's chin, a spoon, a leaf. Too many other things to document....    

 

Important Statistics we are tracking: 

-    Number of people that saw Danielle breast feeding while she was sitting on a bench outside of Lincoln center when a show got out: hundreds

-     Number of consecutive nights without waking up: 7

       

      Number of times I got lucky enough to call Danielle to take care of the biggest poo-nami I have ever seen because I had to take a work call: 1. And I found it hilarious. Her, not so much....

       Number of dogs that Sammy tried to ride: 1 (ok, so we put him on the dog...)  

      Things we googled this week:

-          baby starting to feed solids

      5 month old arm flapping (do not google things like this online if you value your sanity)

Pictures for your amusement:

Giants win!

Like any true Giants fan, Sammy already knows:  a 13 point lead in the 4th quarter was a real nail biter

Ummmmm....I don't think this is on right.

When the heck did it get cold out: All geared up for the fall.

Dressed for Rosh Hashana. And standing on the hood of our car.

This picture has several things going on. 1) Baby Snatcher!  2) Sammy can still get away with this, but eventually we'll have to explain what is ok, and not ok to grab.

Sammy, this is a dog.

Sammy, just this one time you can ride the dog. Shh...don't tell the owners!

"OK. I'm ready."

"food.food.food.food.food.food.food.food."

gggggggggg....mmmmm.....foooood....

"OK, enough horsing around with this cereal stuff. I like sweet potato. And I don't need you to feed it to me. Gimme that! PS. check out my multi-tasking. I can hold my foot while I eat."

Apparently Sammy's second date with Claire was a success. As a baby, it seems to be socially acceptable to just wear a diaper while administering hugs.

"I am Samson! Hear me roar! and spit up at the same time."

Week 22: First wedding

Things I have learned:

We make a lot of funny sounds that get Sammy to laugh (is there anything better?). Someone raised a great question: How is it that we discover the sounds that work? Answer: I am a strange person.

Proven for a second time. Hell hath no fury like a scorned child. in traffic. Again. Did I mention again? I hate the GW bridge and everyone driving on it.

Dear Samson, remember when you were screaming in the car for 20 minutes? Then when you got home started smiling as if nothing ever happened? Because I do.

That show Up All Night? Yeah – that stopped being realistic after episode 1.

We are taking suggestions for the award that Sammy is going to get for not wrecking his fancy clothes at the wedding we attended last weekend.

It was love at first site with his new friend the stuffed animal bunny.  Nevermind parents, nanny, etc… Life is now all about the bunny.

1.       The term : “Feating”

Feet-ing

          –verb

To Feat. Usually, when a small child fake-eats so that mom will feed him before bed (thereby keeping him up past bedtime.)

Example: “Danielle, I’m pretty sure that Samson is feating again. This kid is a real con artist!”

I swear I started hearing crying babies even when Sammy is sleeping. This is like Tinitis, only worse. Who do you see about that?

It is very hard to take nice family photos when all your son wants to do is stare at your wife’s boobs or look the opposite way. Really? Why must you spite us Samson??? Just one picture in your non-ruined fancy clothes is all we ask!

How much time do you think parents spend doing the following: You find something silly that makes your baby laugh (ex: making a high pitched sound repeatedly seems to work this week, gurgling worked a few weeks back, etc…) Then you try to catch it on film which then results in a long video where you can’t understand why your child is not laughing but you are caught on camera making weird noises.

Danielle started making that high pitched sound in public – which just looked disturbing and bizarre.

It is always going to smell like poop in Sammy’s room, isn’t it? Because it does….

I may have said this before, but why do I like baby TV ads so much!?!  I laugh out loud. Seriously, I intently watched a Clorox ad in which 2 dads smell their babies’ butts and thought it was hilarious. Let’s not even start on the Huggies/Pampers TV ads that have their kids scooting across the floor.

Few things scare me like the idea of solid food. Which is starting this week.  Though it should be interesting watching a person learn how to eat. I’m just concerned that what goes in must come out. And it won’t be pretty.

Anonymous quote of the week:

“I fell asleep with [insert baby’s name]  in my arms and when I woke up I realized I’d drooled all over [insert baby's name again].” 

Score one for parents everywhere!

Important Statistics we are Tracking:

Number of times Sammy spat up on me while I was just about out the door on my way to work: 1

Number of times Sammy pooped his pants during a wedding ceremony: 1 (he was just so happy!)

Number of times Sammy pooped out of his PJ’s in the morning: 0. Yes, your read that right. ZERO. NIL. NADA. NOT ONCE!

Weight percentile: 90th

Height Percentile: 95th

Head size: 50th (43 cm!)

Things we Googled last week:

-           

      Baby sleep with blanket age (I was concerned!)

-         

            Baby eating after spitting up. Translation: How is it possible? Isn’t he full?

     Pictures for your amusement:

Gotta look tough in the play ground

Mama said knock you out

How to rock out at a wedding

Looking good!

Sammy, meet cold weather.

I had to apologize to the rubber ducky after Sammy tried to chew his head off. This did not end pretty.

Trying to break the record for most things put in one's mouth in 1 afternoon.

Practicing sitting up, like a big boy!

Most babies try to play with iphones  - Samson tried to eat mine. If you see this face, watch out. He's trying to put you in his mouth.

I love Sundays.

Look at me! I'm 5 months old!

Pre-wedding ceremony accident

Trying to take family picture is hard when one of the group only cares about boobs. I'll give you a hint, it's not Me. It's also not Danielle.

Question: How many pictures can you take without Sammy looking at the camera. Answer: All of them.

Weeks 20/21: Sorry, 5 Napkin Burger

Things we have learned:

-      New obsession of the moment: Having fully accomplished the feat of getting his toes into his mouth (I understand the allure but it’s still kind of gross). Staring at his hands in the middle of a thought. He’ll be crying, talking, playing with us, anything. Next thing you know he’s gone cross eyed, staring at his hands.

   

        Kids are so different. We were hanging out with some other new parents when one said "our kid hasn't pooped in 6 days " I almost fell over. 6 days? I thought it was funny that Sammy had literally pooped 5 times since he woke up. Wow...

After 3 exploratory missions on how to change Sammy in the new Sonata, we’ve landed on floor of the passenger seat as the optimal place. My apologies to the good people eating at 5 Napkin Burger on 84th and Broadway. Diners with window seats got to experience this great learning endeavor with us. Check please.

Also, I'm pretty sure that the people that were eating at 5 Napkin Burger on that fateful Saturday afternoon are never having children. Let's just say it got so bad I had to run in and steal napkins. Then take a mini shower in their bathroom.

      You know it’s bad poo-nami when you when you have to call in reinforcements to make the change.

Initially I said that true love is picking boogers out of your kid's nose. I may have misspoken.  True love = the application of Desitin. Look it up at your own peril. 

When your child is hanging out with his grandparents, you need to understand the difference between "grandparent time" and "human time". For example: When I ask Samson's Savtah how long she let him cry before she ran to give him a pacifier and she responds "at least 5 minutes" I know it was less than 1. You get the gist....

I am learning that there is just no way around making going to bed late work. I can beg, plead, pray, whatever. I'm just up early. Always. And I'm tired!

I really wanted to be annoyed with that new TV show Up All Night. But the cheesy dialogue could not hide the fact that Danielle and I have lived almost everyone of the scenes on that show. Down to being stalked by little old ladies in the grocery store that want to tell us how cute our child is.

There was a new game that started last week. It was called the "check out how loud I can screech game." This came as a bit of a shock (I think both child and parents discovered this at the same time.) The challenge is, this game has no relevance to emotions. For example:

•     I pooped and want a change: SCREECH!
•     I am super excited to see mom: SCREECH!
•     I have a voice: SCREECH SCREECH SCREECH!
•     etc....

 Hell Hath no fury like a baby scorned. In case anyone was wondering whether Samson can appreciate a 9 hour drive in labor day traffic up I87, the answer is no. You know it's bad when Danielle and I have to alternate getting in the back seat and essentially praying for him to fall asleep. I should have known things were taking a turn for the worse when we experienced a "Doufoop" 1 hour into the drive.

Hell also hath no fury like a constipated child (I never thought I'd have the chance to write that). Last Saturday morning was terrifying enough that I thought we were going to have to call in an exorcist.

Ah, the Doufoop (double foop): At first I thought it was just a foop – but I’ve never seen anything like this. we pulled off the highway into a closed gas station to check what was bugging the little guy. I thought I would have to cut off his onesie like a surgeon would cut off someone's clothes in the emergency room. That's the kind of Poonami we're talking about here. Call in the reinforcements!

No matter how many times we recommend to Sammy that he not jam his fingers in his mouth until he either a) coughs or b) spits up, he just can't help himself.

Last week I picked Sammy up from somewhere and I literally felt like I'd just squeezed an open milk carton into my face. Enough said...

Sammy is ambitious (which we admire) and is very singularly focused - with one major goal in mind: To put something (he doesn't care what) in his mouth. This is a fun one to watch. Examples of things we have tried these past weeks:

• Burpy
• Onesie (including ones he's wearing)
• My glasses
• All toys
• his own hand
• his toes
• my hand
• My chest (despite the non-functionality - red: milk - he's an optimist)
• his stroller straps
• a coaster
• many books
• The floor (one can try, trust me)

you get the idea....

Sometimes I feel like we're training for the baby Olympics. Except our events are things like: put pacifier in your own mouth the right way. Learning to hold a bottle. learning to walk. This is serious commitment.

SAT-type analogy: Drugs are to an addict like a pacifier is to Sammy

Sammy's new routine is sort of killing me: Every day I'm just about out the door (around 7:30am) and I hear the "I pooped" cry. Come on, man! Can't you wait until I've just left so mom can take care of it!?!

I think Baby Owen tried to eat Sammy this week. Disturbing.

Important statistics we are keeping track of:

• # of times he’s flashed the people in 5 Napkin Burger (frontal, backside, everyside) on 84^th and Broadway: 2 (in one afternoon)

• # of times I gagged the past 2 weeks: 3

• # of times I had to call in for reinforcements (it was one of those weeks…): 3

• # of trips to Dr.: 1 (stuffy nose but no cold)

• # of calls to Dr.: 2 (he also got a rash!)

• Number of times Sammy took his beloved pacifier, pulled it out of his mouth and flung it across the room: 2 (!)

Awesome developments of the past 2 weeks:

• Sleeping on his tummy (for a whole night)
• Hugging me when I came home (I'm 80% certain this was deliberate!)
• Imitating a kiss (and trying to make the sound)
• At least 1 front to back rollover
• Turning pages of books (with  tiny bit of help)

Things we googled:

• Baby sucking upper lip (bizarre answers to this one...)
• Screeching baby (it's fun, and we encourage it, but what does he want!?!)
• Baby moaning while eating (this is so wierd)

(Lot's) of pictures for your amusement

Baby on Baby Violence: Part 2: Samson vs. Maya

Vicious eye poke

Leg kicks!

Jamming finger in back of throat

Kissing practice

Let's wait a few years....

Nap time

"What the hell is this thing?"

It's not nice to pick pocket your great grand father

More E Trade Baby practice

Ready, Aim......

Fun with mom

For those of you that know where my hockey allegiance lies, this is horrifically painful. What do you do when someone gives your kid  a personalized Habs jersey?!?

Staring contest with Giraffe on I87

Best baby gear ever. Notice the flap over the face window - would you ever close that???? Only in Canada...

This cannot be comfortable

Mister hipster in Baby Owen's hat

Elation when Eli Manning runs for a touchdown. Let's not talk about the rest of the game.

Hanging with Aviv

Baby Owen trying to eat Sammy

Leaving a dirty diaper on someone's pillow is hilarious. We swear, it was Sammy's idea.

Typical morning scene

OK, I'm fine with the swing so long as you give me padding

DROOL.

Pants Protocol in the fall = pants for young Samson. Look at that neck!!