June/July: ...and we're walking! And Talking!

Things I have learned:

There was a proclamation that I must have missed. It went something like: “Henceforth, you get sick every time your child does. Sucks to be you. It really does.” Well, that's a real joy to know.

Danielle and I are constantly rating ourselves as parents. Did we do this right? That wrong? Should we be doing something different? Well – I’m certain of one thing: We failed at TV. When Sammy was born, we agreed that he would not watch TV for the first 2 years. Then in Israel, we realized it might be useful if he at least cared to watch it occasionally. Too late. We failed. We are doomed to raise a child that for the moment could not give a hoot about it. Pray for me on my solo flight to Cincinnati in a few weeks. Ideally he’d watch Sesame Street on the iPad. In reality, I’m going to give him a box – yes a box – of Cheerios that will hopefully last 1.5 hours.

Samson’s alter ego Saul has gone away. We have been introduced to Captain Destructo. Captain Destructo like to destroy things. On second thought, I want to replace the word things with EVERYTHING.

Many people like to publish theorems. These are based on axioms, correlations, etc… Well, Despite not ever doing this before I’m about to publish a theorem: “More space equals more destruction.” There is a direct correlation between the amount of space and the amount of destruction that a one year old can cause. 

Maybe we need to get a house. Samson went to Montreal and was so excited about having all the space that he literally crawled in circles screaming with glee for the first 20 minutes. Got it: House.

During the weeks when I’m not writing the blog and Danielle is yelling at me to write it, I’m often taking notes on my iPhone. The following is a note that I took. Since I have no idea what I meant (though I could probably guess) I’ll let you decide what I was going to say. The note was: “Exploding. Utter”. I can only gather that it’s probably not good.

A few weeks back Sammy and I had a father son day in New York (Thanks Bobby Buttons for accompanying us). We went to brunch. We walked in 100 degree heat through the city to Summer Stage making numerous stops on the way. At some point while Sammy was chugging water from a water bottle, covered in sweat, berries, dirt, eggs and a variety of other things, I realized: I might have had the Dirtiest baby in New York in my hands. I could just feel the other parents staring!! Of course, if Samson was dirty, I was filthier.

.      The term : “Pink Eye Pit”

Pink-aye-pit

      1.      –noun

      Usually, a confined area where many children are playing, drooling, sweating and generally getting dirty

       Example: Oh no. I’m pretty sure Sammy is playing in a “Pink Eye Pit”

We took Sammy to Magnolia for his first taste of banana pudding after Summer Stage. I fully expected that upon tasting what I consider to possibly be the greatest food in New York that he would simply get googly eyes and to promptly poop his pants. He was neither here nor there on it in the end but I still thought I’d share my expected reaction, which would have been awesome.

You haven’t lived until you “tick checked”  a one year old. You really haven’t.

You also haven’t lived until you’ve gone all the way up and down 20 blocks of broadway looking for a lost croc.

Sammy seems to have grown up suddenly. Last thing I remember, he was crawling and babbling. Then, one day I wake up and he’s got a vocabulary of about 20 words and…walking!!

Despite having many new words in his arsenal there are still 2 that are the most common. They are both helpful – and frustrating. Most popular word: No. Often spoken many at a time: “nonononononono.”

The word yes is also becoming helpful. For example. This conversation actually happened:

            Neighbor: Did you poop?

Sammy: Yes

Neighbor: Is it bad?

Sammy: Yeeess

Neighbor: Is Kenia (nanny) going to have to clean it up?

Sammy: (smiling) Yeeeeeeeeesssssss!

Words I would love to be able to look up in the baby babble dictionary:

       -          Beebee

       -          Ba-Bee

       -          Da-b-day

Sometimes I’d like to have a rational conversation about what’s actually happening when I change a diaper. It would go something like:

-          Me: I’m changing you. This is arguably the biggest service I can do for you. Why must you make like it’s torture.

-          Sammy: But why are you doing it! I was playing! Now I’m going to squirm and wriggle and flip myself over and yell at you to teach you a lesson.

-          Me: Do you not get that what I’m doing is not fun?

-          Sammy: Who cares! This is annoying! Now I’m going to kick at you repeatedly.

-          Me: I will remind you of this when I’m 85. I have the memory of an elephant.

We are teaching Sammy to not throw things on the floor when he’s done with them. The result was him passing me a Cheerio so I could eat it. AMAZING!

Upon skyping with Sabba and Savta the day after getting back from Montreal – Sammy gave me this pissed off look as if to say: "Wait why aren't they here? This is a bad idea on all accounts."

Samson is truly a strong willed kid. He does everything his own way. For weeks we’ve been practicing walking with him – and he shows little to know interest in doing it on his own. Then one day, he just goes and that’s it. We never had an interim period where he was trying to balance, falling after a few steps. He just said “I’m ready” and now he is literally running all over like he’s been walking forever!

Along with walking comes:

       -          Catching him with his hands in the toilet (awesome!)

       -          Numerous face plants when he is not careful (yikes!)

       -          A desire to not hold my hand anymore which makes it very hard to steer him

       -          Seriously exhausted parents

There is an important debate raging (among many parents I’m sure). And it’s a really important one: When introducing your child to Star Wars, do you start with episode 1 (i.e. the Jar Jar Binks disaster) or episode 4 (the original). On first thought: How could you even consider episode 1 – it’s AWFUL! However, kids love it. If the objective is to get Sammy to love it, shouldn’t I seriously consider that? Ugh. Decisions, decisions…It’s hard to be a parent!

First baseball game? Check. Sammy, when given lots of food, can make it through at least 6 innings of a baseball game!

Important Statistics we are tracking:

       -          Number of lost shoes to date: 2

       -          Number of cheerio boxes eaten: 3

       -          Number of Sammy’s friends that moved away: 2 (sadness!)

       -          Number of milk cartons we’ve gone through since converting to non-training sippy cups.

       -          Number of Amazon orders for “baby supplies”: 14

       -     Height percentile: Off the charts. Literally.

       -     Weight percentile: 97th

Strange things we googled: “kid biting crib rails”

Result of strange googlings: Some more money spent on Amazon for “rail guards”.

Pictures for your amusement:

Mets game on father's day at Citi Field

Mr. cool.

Captain Destructo's wreckage.

Taking in some Monet at the Bronx Botanical Gardens

No need for parents part 1:  Sammy and Nora at Wave Hill

No need for parents part 2: Sammy and Taylor

Doing his best Billy Joel

We spend all our money on stuff for Sammy at Target. Or is that stuff for Danielle? Either way. We know who steers this ship.

The epitome of cuteness?

Montreal bagel: "mmmmmmmm...."(which is what Sammy says anytime he eats something he likes)

Naked gardening with Sabbah.

Captain Destructo destroys some butter at a restaurant

Hanging with the great grand parents

Hanging with Bobby Buttons (Mark) in the "Pink Eye Pit" at Summer stage

hydrating

"Dirtiest baby in New York"

Magnolia banana pudding

Sammy loves his toy car. Recently though - he's kind of been using this as his "toilet". i.e. he will get on it and poop. Maybe we should toilet train on this? Is that wrong?

Eventually we lost track

walking in dad's shoes.

Linus part 1

 A little walk with Sabbah in NYC

Keeping cool with Johnny. Sammy keeps saying "Joh-nnny?"

Examining the softness of the restaurant booths. With his head.

First haircut!!! Pretty sure his hair was cut by famous comedienne Lisa Lampanelli

Sooooooo.you didn;t like dinner?

Fun with Nora!

First trip to Camp Sprout Lake where Mom and Dad met!

Ummmm....you got some on your face.

Inspecting the softness of the seats at the library. With his head. He does this a lot!

This nice gesture between Naama and Samson was followed by Samson shoving her out of the way to get to a toy. We're working on it.

Maybe they'll be college roomates?

You don't need pants to play in public fountains when you are a 1 year old.

Is he too young to drive the forklift?

Linus part 2.

In case you were wondering how tall Sammy was - he is as big as a pack and play!

In his "Gatsby" suit

James Bond-ing it up with Aunty Monica

Videos For your amusement:

This first one is a "two for one": 1) It showcases Sammy walking. 2) We were hanging out with Bobby Buttons ans taught Sammy to say "Bobby". Unfortunately Sammy decided to yell "Bobby" repeatedly at 6:45AM the next day until Bobby woke up. But let's be honest. It was worth it.

The Piano Man in action