Documentation of fatherhood insanity: Week 26: Milk Hoarder!

Things I have learned:

On our trip to the Bronx botanical gardens Sammy’s obsession with plants seems to indicate he might be interested in botany. So says Danielle. Really, if you dig deeper into the psychology behind Sammy’s actions we notice something else. He stares at plants, curious and inquisitive. Then he grabs them (presumably to feel the texture). Then he tries to eat them. Yeah, it all links back to “what can I put in my mouth today?” Botany? More like “I-like-to-put-everything-in-my-mouth-any”.

I’ve noticed that more often than not, Sammy will always look left. If this continues, does it mean he will Walks in circles to the left for the rest of his life?

Have you ever seen that show hoarders? Well, what I’m about to say next has no relation to that show. But it does have to do with hoarding. Specifically, milk hoarding. I was talking to Sammy about how squirrels keep nuts in their cheeks and hoard them for the winter – and it donned on me. Sammy is a milk hoarder. He’s constantly hoarding milk in his cheeks for a later date – like the squirrels. Our son is a milk hoarder…now what??

I feel like I’m about to have to explain to Danielle why Sammy can’t move into our bed permanently. He sleeps….like a bay when he’s in it!

So after having Sammy to ourselves and his grandparents (sans nanny) for 5 days we had a real job to defend ourselves to her when she came back – I swear, we tried our best to listen to the instructions!!! We didn’t undo ALL the work! Did we?

We are super proud of Sammy for his newfound ability to stay sitting up and playing without our constant support. However, there is one thing he has not grasped yet: Sometimes the ceiling (he really loves lights, ceilings, fans, hanging plants – anything high up) will catch his eye – and he will forget that he’s sitting, look up, up, up and just keep looking up and leaning back until he falls back and hits his head. We’ll get there son, we’ll get there…

We have successfully weaned Sammy off the pacifier with no meaningful consequences except one:

1. The term : “Thumb Junkie”

Th-um Ju-nk-ie

1. –noun

Usually, a child that has developed a sudden attachment to jamming his thumb in his mouth. Thumb junkies look at you innocently to after you remove it – effectively denying the fact that the thumb was in the mouth. And then when you turn away, it’s right back in.

Despite my trying to communicate to Samson that he has a choice: his thumb (and therefore braces) or summer camp – he has not yet grasped this pivotal choice in the road that he must travel.

Do you know how much time do we spend looking at our sleeping kids thinking and talking about how cute they are? Lots. It’s only mildly creepy to think my parents might have spent inordinate amounts of time watching me sleep. Unless I wasn’t cute. In which case, then they didn’t watch me much.

I find that when you call the doctor, they always have some way of making your question seem silly. Here was a call from last week:

Josh: Hi Dr. ______. Sammy has had a crazy runny nose that just won’t stop.

Dr. : Does he have a fever?

Josh: No. But he’s also developed some kind of weird rash in the last couple days?

Dr. : Does it seem to be bothering him?

Josh: Ummm…I guess not? He hasn’t told me one way or another.

Dr. : So. No fever. And not annoyed by the rash.

Josh: No.

Dr. : Yeah. He’s fine.

Josh: Ummm….ok then.

Sammy is very stringent on who he allows into his close circles. Admission goes something like this: “Does this person have boobs? yes? Perfect, she can be in my circle of friends. I’ll even add them to my circles on Google+!”

Anonymous parental quote of the week:

_______ made a fluorescent green poop yesterday. I'm talking radioactive, glow in the dark, green. Possible explanations:

He sneaked out to a rave and ate the inside of a glow stick
Martians have colonized his intestines
I shouldn't have fed him the radioactive ooze I found in the hopes of turning him into a ninja turtle

Important statistics we are tracking:

· Number of times I had to yell at Savtah (grandma) for picking Sammy up while we were (unsuccessfully) trying to get him to nap: 1

· Number of times I had to eat my words after picking him up myself minutes later: 1

· Number of Japanese plants Sammy mauled to shreds in the special Bronx botanical garden exhibit: 3 (please don’t tell!)

· This month’s measurement! : 20lbs (90^thPercentile) , 28” (90^th Percentile)

Things we googled this week:

· baby always looking left (see above)

Pictures for your amusement: