Week 27: Mr. Samson Goes to Washington

Things I have learned:

Sammy figured out how to stay sitting up on his own. He can do this for extremely long periods of time.

We are proud and it’s amazing to watch. The problem: He’s so excited about sitting that any urge to stand or crawl has gone out the window.

While sitting, he likes to sit and play with his tool bench toy – this includes a fake electric saw, drill, screw driver – all sorts of great stuff. Two thoughts:

1)      The constant sound of a fake electric saw is not annoying at all.

2)      Danielle seems to think that Sammy is already more handy than me with tools. She's right.

We had a great weekend in DC with all the other babies. But what have things come to when you hear a cry and someone says “is that mine? Or yours?”

Things you never want to be googling: The affects of food poisoning on breast feeding. Sidenote: when making a cake, try not to use icing that expired in 2008. Just a suggestion.

Overheard this week:

Danielle (to Sammy):  “Are you actually eating or just hanging out? I don't come to your kitchen  and just horse around do I?”

Sammy: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

           ...maybe we need a no loitering sign 

Maybe Sammy will end up being a martial artist -  His new thing is to practice his kicks and splits while feeding. While he’s eating he’s regularly  “keating” – kick-eating. It’s truly hilarious to watch. Just mind your eyes – you might get kicked!

1.       The term : “ Jiggle Butt”

Jigg-le Butt

      1.      –verb – to Jiggle Butt 

Usually, the action of jiggling your child’s entire body by placing a hand on their butt and jiggling while they’re trying to fall asleep. Often replaces typical rubbing of back.

So we took Sammy to pick pumpkins. I’m pretty certain – no, 100% certain he was more interested in grabbing hay and stuffing it in his mouth than actually choosing a pumpkin. There’s a reason why we did not take him into where the animals were walking around - there's more than just hay on the ground there.

So when your child literally scratches his face so badly while sleeping that it looks like he’s in a bar fight – am I allowed to put up a sign that says “hey – I asked him not to claw at his face but….”

There's a new policy that Sammy implemented now that he’s eating solid food. It’s a one in / one out policy. It happens at the same time. While I appreciate his love of symmetry in life…. I don’t know if this is going to work for us long term

So we’re agreed then – Halloween is purely for the parents, yes? Just saying. Samson was not clamoring for his costume  - though it looked AMAZING (to be revealed next week…..ohhhhhh – suspense!)

New food of the week: eggs! And they were well-liked immediately (this is my child after all).

Important Statistics we are tracking:

-  Number of times Sammy has worn his Halloween costume before it's eve Halloween: 1

- % of the freezer that is now "owned" by Sammy's stuff: easily 50%

- Number of hours it took to drive back from DC to NY: 7 (+3 vs. the norm)

- Number of times I said the "Shema" (Jewish prayer) while stopped in 40 minutes of GW bridge traffic: Hard to count - it was pretty much non-stop

- Number of times Sammy was bleeding and spitting up at the same time: 1 (he picked a scab and then decided he ate too much carrots

Things we googled:

- "Food poisoning and breast feeding"

- "6 month sleep regression"  - noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Pictures for your amusement:

By Request: Photographic evidence from a few months back that Sammy got a girl's top off - Kidding :) - He's just hanging with pal Ronnie.

On first glance you might think this picture is cute (awwwww...look at the hat!). But....

...Upon closer inspection this happy child just spat up all over himself and me!

Sammy chilling on the floor with Friend Caleigh

This picture just blows my mind. How did this happen!?!

The good news is that Sammy does not discriminate with his spit-up targets. He likes everyone!

It's logical that he'd try to chew my hair and pull off my glasses at once.

Dancing in the streets!

This would not be the first time someone wearing a Michigan shirt looked somewhat  fearful of someone wearing a Michigan State shirt.

"I love shoving hay in my mouth!"

Gotta dress the part when picking pumpkins

Sammy only travels in style...nothing but the best vehicles

That is laughter you see from Sammy. And the vest Danielle is wearing belonged to my mom in the 70's. Just saying.

Looking very moustachio'ed after some carrots.

Milestone! Sitting in a high chair at brunch.

EggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggsEggs.

Swinging with pal Nora

The handyman

Some video:

Sammy tries eggs for the first time:

Sammy plays with tools!

Week 26: Milk Hoarder!

Things I have learned:

On our trip to the Bronx botanical gardens Sammy’s obsession with plants seems to indicate he might be interested in botany. So says Danielle. Really, if you dig deeper into the psychology behind Sammy’s actions we notice something else. He stares at plants, curious and inquisitive. Then he grabs them (presumably to feel the texture). Then he tries to eat them. Yeah, it all links back to “what can I put in my mouth today?” Botany? More like “I-like-to-put-everything-in-my-mouth-any”.

I’ve noticed that more often than not, Sammy will always look left. If this continues, does it mean he will Walks in circles to the left for the rest of his life?

Have you ever seen that show hoarders? Well, what I’m about to say next has no relation to that show. But it does have to do with hoarding.  Specifically, milk hoarding. I was talking to Sammy about how squirrels keep nuts in their cheeks and hoard them for the winter – and it donned on me. Sammy is a milk hoarder. He’s constantly hoarding milk in his cheeks for a later date – like the squirrels. Our son is a milk hoarder…now what??

I feel like I’m about to have to explain to Danielle why Sammy can’t move into our bed permanently. He sleeps….like a bay when he’s in it!

So after having Sammy to ourselves and his grandparents (sans nanny) for 5 days we had a real job to defend ourselves to her when she came back – I swear, we tried our best to listen to the instructions!!! We didn’t undo ALL the work! Did we?

We are super proud of Sammy for his newfound ability to stay sitting up and playing without our constant support. However, there is one thing he has not grasped yet: Sometimes the ceiling (he really loves lights, ceilings, fans, hanging plants – anything high up) will catch his eye – and he will forget that he’s sitting, look up, up, up and just keep looking up and leaning back until he falls back and hits his head. We’ll get there son, we’ll get there…

We have successfully weaned Sammy off the pacifier with no meaningful consequences except one:

1.       The term : “Thumb Junkie”

Th-um Ju-nk-ie

      1.      –noun

Usually, a child that has developed a sudden attachment to jamming his thumb in his mouth. Thumb junkies look at you innocently to after you remove it – effectively denying the fact that the thumb was in the mouth. And then when you turn away, it’s right back in.

Despite my trying to communicate to Samson that he has a choice: his thumb (and therefore braces) or summer camp – he has not yet grasped this pivotal choice in the road that he must travel.

Do you know how much time do we spend looking at our sleeping kids thinking and talking about how cute they are? Lots. It’s only mildly creepy to think my parents might have spent inordinate amounts of time watching me sleep. Unless I wasn’t cute. In which case, then they didn’t watch me much.

I find that when you call the doctor, they always have some way of making your question seem silly. Here was a call from last week:

Josh: Hi Dr. ______. Sammy has had a crazy runny nose that just won’t stop.

Dr. : Does he have a fever?

Josh: No. But he’s also developed some kind of weird rash in the last couple days?

Dr. : Does it seem to be bothering him?

Josh: Ummm…I guess not? He hasn’t told me one way or another.

Dr. : So. No fever. And not annoyed by the rash.

Josh: No.

Dr. : Yeah. He’s fine.

Josh: Ummm….ok then.

Sammy is very stringent on who he allows into his close circles. Admission goes something like this: “Does this person have boobs? yes? Perfect, she can be in my circle of friends. I’ll even add them to my circles on Google+!”

Anonymous parental quote of the week:

­­ 

_______ made a fluorescent green poop yesterday. I'm talking radioactive, glow in the dark, green.  Possible explanations: 

1. He sneaked out to a rave and ate the inside of a glow stick
2. Martians have colonized his intestines
3. I shouldn't have fed him the radioactive ooze I found in the hopes of turning him into a ninja turtle

Important statistics we are tracking:

      ·         Number of times I had to yell at Savtah (grandma) for picking Sammy up while we were (unsuccessfully) trying to get him to nap: 1

      ·         Number of times I had to eat my words after picking him up myself minutes later: 1

      ·         Number of Japanese plants Sammy mauled to shreds in the special Bronx botanical garden exhibit: 3 (please don’t tell!)

      ·         This month’s measurement! : 20lbs (90^th Percentile) , 28” (90^th Percentile)

Things we googled this week:

      ·         baby always looking left (see above)

      Pictures for your amusement:

This is what it's like when you try a food for the first time and were not expecting something new. Apparently pears will be an acquired taste.

The botanist...

What botany is really about - eating plants

Despite his head being in the 50th percentile for size, it is still smaller than mine it seems

I did not know that "stroller parking" existed. What world am I living in ?!?

Ok. Time to get him his own hat....

Tummy time. Not just for babies...

We are not ready for the real thing, so this will have to suffice for Sammy until he's 17.

You'd think there was batter on this spoon and not carrots...

Practicing his karate sidekicks.

More sidekicks! Good form sir....

Sitting up with Baby Owen

The boys at the Washington monument.

Week 25: A Little Solo Parenting

Things I have learned:

This week Sammy had 2 days of solo Dad time and 3 more of solo Mom time. I’d say HE survived if that was even a question. The real question is did WE survive? We did (I’m writing this)

Solo dad duty was great from a bonding sense. Not so great from a sleeping sense. Here was my neurotic schedule – and I say neurotic because there’s no reason for this: I would shoot out of bed at 5:30 to get the 6:30 bottle ready (no alarm, just my freakish circadian rhythms acting up.) Meanwhile, dreaming of Danielle (literally) giving Samson the bottle, he then wakes me up at 6:30 to feed him, at which point I’m up. So, yeah, I didn’t sleep much.

Sometimes I’m just flabbergasted by what’s happening to me. What does it say that I went to the park instead of watching the Giants game? Granted, The Giants game was a disaster and Sammy might not have been able to stare at the TV for too long, but I just felt insanely guilty keeping him inside on a gorgeous day. For context, I once refused to pick Danielle up from the airport because she was so “careless” to book her flight when the Gianst were playing. Oh how times have changed. I am weak, I know.

Sammy might be a Diet Coke addict in the making. He saw me drinking from a can and immediately associated it with his bottle (by clamoring for it). Should I be worried? Gavy (my sister for those that don’t know) was also a big fan as a baby – her first sentence was” I want Diet Coke!”)

Danielle and I can try to amuse Sammy all we want but it is apparently nothing compared to when he discovered himself in the mirror. He’s looked at himself in the mirror hundreds of times before – but last Sunday it was different. This time he seemed to think there was another baby. He would look away and then snap his head back to make sure his “friend” had not left – this cracked him up for a long time. Video evidence below.

Sometimes Sammy is difficult for no reason at all – for instance – I tried to put on a pair of sweat pants so he would not be cold outside. What is it with the sweat pants? What is so amusing about my getting one leg in, then while I’m getting leg two in, he pulls out leg one. Repeat. And repeat. And then….repeat. did I say repeat? Danielle says that I just have a lack of ‘skills’ in this area. Come on now...

Sammy holding his own bottle rocks. Except in the morning when he’s half asleep and mashes it into his face. While I found it funny I think he was annoyed.

My wife thinks that I’m “Monitor Obsessive.” She’s right.

But – that monitor obsessiveness netted me a great view of a true front to back rollover. He picked his butt up in the air and flat out propelled himself to his back, where he comfortably fell asleep. A great moment! Finally a conscious front to back rollover!

I really hate how contrived that damn show Up All Night is. Except that all the shit they show is true. Folding the stroller madness. Putting in the car seat base frustration. Damn them. My life is not that obvious is it!?!

On Tuesday we went into Sammy’s room and found him just lying there with his eyes open, curled up in a ball. Never having seen this before we grabbed him out of the crib and checked to make sure he was ok (read: he cried, so he was fine) Some googling helped to explain our idiocy - apparently babies sometimes sleep with their eyes open. When you boil it down, we were basically concerned and woke him up to hear him cry. Whoops.

Samson continues to explore the world through his mouth. I hope this trend changes when he’s older or things could get awkward. I’m envisioning that Seinfeld episode where George touches the material on someone’s jacket while in an elevator and gets yelled at. Except in my version Sammy puts it in his mouth.

Best commercial ever:  Luvs diapers ad featuring…..”Heavy DOOTY protection”. I’m not making that up. It’s basically cartoon kids taking huge deuces into their diapers on a stage and then being graded by a panel of Olympic style judges. I’m not making this up. Someone wrote and animated that. Video reference below.

What does it mean when we get stern warnings from our Nanny to not undo all her hard work that week while she’s away (read: pacifier rehab, nice nap schedule, etc….)? She’s SO right….we’re suckers…

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          Number of times Sammy tried to hug the ipad while I “face timed” with him: 2 (what did we do before all this amazing technology

-          Number of horrible, choppy, unsynchronized  bedtime songs Danielle and I tried to sing to Sammy while each of us was away: 4 (maybe it’s more for our own peace of mind)

-          Number of times Sammy went to Dinosaur BBQ: 1 (I don’t think he cared much though)

-          Number of times Sammy cried when the Giants blew their game last Sunday (We watched that horror on DVR): 1. And good for him.

-          Number of consecutive days Sammy ate peas, despite clearly deciding they sucked: 3 (but according to Danielle he’s getting used to them.

Things we googled:

-          "Babies sleeping with eyes open". Creepy.

Anonymous parental quote of the week:

“I have pretty much worn my wife down to letting me dress _____ up in Star Wars costumes. She’s too short for the ewok this year, but next year it’s on!”

 Pictures for your amusement:

Every once in a while it's hilarious to look back at where we've come from. Speechless....

World exploration through the mouth. And showing off incredible flexibility (that's his foot in his mouth) with Grandpa Steve

Having abandoned football for greener pastures, Sammy shows off some mad skills

Monitor-obsessing after the major rollover

Watching the tragedy that was last week's Giants game

Sammy made a trip to Dinosaur BBQ. The expression of utter fear on his face is due to the fact that we had yet to explain to him that people were not in fact eating real Dinosaurs.

The humor in this shot all depends on who you are.

A little walking practice (which ended up more like standing)

Sammy and the mirror

Hilarious Luvs Dooty ad

Week 24: Let the Teething Begin

Things I have learned:

Open letter the Samson:

Dear Samson,

This week we’re going to talk about 1 strength and 1 opportunity area. First, a strength. Your mom and I have agreed to minimally send you to one summer’s worth of camp based on your stellar performance on the 9 hour drive back from Cleveland last week. I’m not sure what happened, but you were angelic. Thank you.

One area of opportunity for you to work on is the Yom Kippur sleep challenge. When mom and Dad are fasting, we would love it if you would not pick that night – the only night out of the last 30 – to wake up every 3 hours, thereby significantly extending the “feel” of the fast. Let’s call it a wash then.

Love,

Mom and Dad

OK – I know I’m lacking his favorite “gifts” in the chest area.  But seriously – Every time I’m holding Sammy, and a woman is nearby he is lunging for her! In some ways this is humorous, but in others…I’m mildly offended! I’m the one changing your diapers too dude!

So we think Sammy might be teething (hence the crazy wake-ups the night of Yom Kippur). We initially thought he had a bad cold because he manufactures snot like China exports steel. Upon closer inspection via google, apparently runny noses can mean teething….I’m scared! Danielle is away for the next 2 nights! Helpo, helpo!

I did not think it was possible, but the other night Sammy peed so much that the top of his diaper literally exploded – it just couldn’t hold anymore. Are we special or has this happened to other people. I didn’t think that was possible. 

Question: Will this joke ever get old? When we’re at someone’s house I take a dirty diaper, put it on our host’s bed to take a picture that I then email later.

Answer: NO.

So……We think Samson grew about 3 inches in the last 2 weeks. He slept a ton and when we got home, we literally had to raise the height on his exersaucer. I mean, this kid is growing like crazy!

It appears that there are several foods that Sammy did not take to instantly. The following foods are ones that Sammy tasted and made a face like he was tasting a piece of rubber: Carrots & peas. Now, I’m not going to get on my soapbox and say this is because Danielle hates vegetables and thereby did not eat enough while she was pregnant but….well, here I am…. (kidding! sort of...)

There was a time when I used to check out hot girls when I was walking on the street. I imagine that Danielle did the same with cute guys – now, things are way different.  A smoking hot woman could be walking down the street and the odds are that I would not notice. But….I find myself immensely curious with every baby, contraption the babies are carried in, etc… I know Danielle is doing the exact same thing – common comments are: “wow – check out that beefy kid eating his mom’s pocket book!” (this really happened) or “can you believe how crazy that stroller is?” and most frequently said is “thank the lord we did not have twins…”

Ok – I love that Sammy is a big guy and growing fast. I know 20 pounds is not supposed to be too much for a guy my size to lift in general – but let me tell you – holding him for 20+ minutes straight during Yom Kippur services was a serious workout. I’m sweating….My arm is shaking….jeez! He’s only 6 months old!

Upon thinking about our Yom Kippur – which requires fasting, maybe Sammy’s Yom kippur was the 9 hr car ride. He’s such a pious little guy.

Important statistics we are tracking:

      ·         Number of times Samson cried during his car ride home from Cleveland: 0

      ·         Number of new foods tried: 2

      ·         Number of new foods liked: 0

      ·         Number of times it was reported that Baby Owen tried to eat Sammy: 1

      ·         Number of times Sammy woke up the night of Yom Kippur: 4

      ·         Number of times Sammy rolled over from tummy to back in his sleep (yet he still can’t do it while awake – though he’s so close!): 2

Things we googled this week:

      ·         Symptoms of teething (runny nose: check. Trouble sleeping: check

      ·         5 month old cold

      ·         Baa baa black sheep lyrics - (I’m terrible with lyrics to songs, and every time I got to the 3^rd line the words somehow turned dirty – in my head at least)

Pictures for your amusement:

"All Aboard!"

"Ahoy, Mates" - Note: This is one of those goofy pictures that Sammy may not forgive me for

1. The book "The Ant and the Bee" is really way to long. 2. We'll have to forgive cousin Nate for wearing a Michigan shirt in Sammy's presence, thereby offending every Spartan bone in his body

"I love me some oatmeal"

Like we said, he really likes the oatmeal

Development of the week: When did you learn to do that!?!  Sweet.

Sorry Sammy, this is not the "Continuum Transfunctioner", a mysterious and powerful device, whose mystery is only exceeded by its power (For those that don't get it, I highly recommend "Dude Where's my Car" - a fine film.

Another Andrew Dice Clay face

"Helllooooooo Sweet Potato!"

Ok - so sometimes he's not even in the mood for oatmeal...

In the old days, the only fun participatory activity was to have people change his diapers. After some complaints were made to customer service, we've introduced the more enjoyable feeding of food. Sabbah Rabbah (Big Zaide) is doing a nice job here.

To be clear: the Bunny goes everywhere. Or at least it used to. By the end of week 3 it is slightly less loved.