Week 9

Things I have learned:

-        Danielle has started to make the same noises as Sammy recently (oohing/aaahing). It’s weird.

-        It has become evident that Sammy is changing. And this is not necessarily because of his obvious development. Rather it is because every calming technique that worked in his younger days (read: first six weeks) has officially been rendered useless.

-        This week Samson got his shots. We thought he would be really upset and uncomfortable (and he was, somewhat.) The reality is though that he is more concerned about his ability to poop (or lack thereof) – that’s when he really lets us hear it.

-        It used to be that working from home meant getting a lot of stuff done. These days, it is a wee bit more challenging (evidence below)

-         Last week I mentioned that Samson is a “healthy” baby (Faby). The proof:

o   75^th percentile weight (translate: loves the boob)

o   90^th percentile height (felt better about this before shawn, not the tallest person I know, was also 90^th percentile height)

o   50^th percentile: head size (shawn’s nickname in high school was “Fathead” – coincidence??? I’m uncomfortable….)

-        Best socks on the market: The Anderson socks (thanks HB). Only socks a baby will actually keep on. 

-          Comment of the week at work (note: I was wearing short sleeved polo):

o   “Oh wow – I didn’t realize your son was going to end up SO HAIRY!”

Thanks Olga….

-        I’m pretty certain that when Dani and I were having beers in Chelsea, they assumed that we were a couple (as an aside - well done NY) and that since he was wearing spandex biking shorts that he was Sammy’s mom (photographic evidence below.)

-          New sleep pattern (no bragging, seriously, just stating the facts):

o   Bedtime: 11pm

o   Wake up: 6am

-        Sammy works on his own schedule during the day. While in Chelsea, having guy time, he slept the entire time. That is, until Dad put him in the car to drive home. The rest of my afternoon consisted of him screaming while I pulled over into a hydrant spot at the corner of 17^th and 10^th and fed him while I hung out the back seat of our tiny civic. Onlookers were especially proud when I pulled Sammy out to burp him and he gurgled up milk all over me. It was SWEEEEEEET.

-        I always thought that they gave babies shots in their bottoms – but it’s their thighs – OUCH

-        Sammy is growing up fast (evidence below)

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          # of times a thermometer was used last week (and not in the ear or armpit): 2 (he had his shots! This is not fun….)

-          # of times Sammy made a poo-nami that was so insane, Danielle called me into the other room to take a look: 1 (and it was special)

-          # of Shots Sammy got this week: 3 + 1 cocktail. Glad to get this over with…

Things we googled this week

-          How much sleep does a newborn need

-          Newborn sleep patterns

-          Vaccination newborn effects

-          How to calm your wife down when she’s freaking out about giving her child shots (ok – I didn’t google this, but I should have)

Big Developments of the week

-          Taking a pacifier out of his mouth and throwing it on the ground (WHAT!?!?)

-          Putting a pacifier back in his mouth after it slipped out (a sign of good things to come?)

-          Responding to talking with his own voice

Big Thanks

-          To Jay/Adina for babysitting! 

Playdate #2  - the big playas of Riverdale hanging out. Sammy's thought: "How am I supposed to flirt when I don't have pants but Ben does???"

Uncle Dani (in spandex): Mr. Mom

Hanging out with uncle Dani means frequenting NY's hotspots and beers/bloody marys (you have to look closely)

"I'm so psyched to fight crime as Spider Man!"

Sammy really wears his heart on his sleeve. Or in this case, his shirt. and it's less heart, more his passion.

Fighting crime will have to wait - nap time takes precedent

Like I said, working from home is less efficient these days...

Training to self administer the peepee teepee. This did not work perfectly. We're tenacious parents though...

post-shots calming technique....

REALLY??? In the thighs?!?!

Some exciting video of Sammy trying to communicate (this is the cheesy parental stuff we're excited to share!)

Week 8

Things I have learned:

-          Critical learning for the week: if you brag about your child’s sleep (i.e. “he slept for 8½ hours yesterday!”) you will be punished. Repeatedly. And it’s going to be a slow fearful build:

o   Day 1: 8 hours straight

o   Day 2: 5 hours straight

o   Day 3: 4 hours

o   Day 4: Up every 2 hours

-            Record feeding that is worth noting (yes, I’m going to brag about this)

o   1:50am - Sammy cries

o   1:53am - bottle warming, Sammy being changed

o   1:57am - Sammy starts drinking his bottle

o   2:00am – 4oz of milk has been guzzled

o   2:01am – burp

o   2:03am – back in woombie and asleep

o   2:05am – I’m back asleep

Hell yes, I am proud.

-          There aren’t enough baby wipes or Clorox wipes in the world that will make us feel better about eating off our dining room table after the 2 disasters that occurred there (background: changing table had to be moved out of the room for a couple days)

-          Danielle is very considerate of my needs. Over the weekend, Danielle tried to point out that I'd sent 2 thank you cards to the same person (hi Ilana) and I disagreed. After waking up at 5am with Sammy, and an extremely long day at work, I finally got to take a nap after coming home and playing with Sammy. I was not asleep more than 5 minutes before I am suddenly woken up by Danielle continuously tapping me. To tell me she was right about the thank you card. Really? REALLY????

-          We are essentially crash test dummies for babies:

o   How do you check if the milk in a bottle is too hot? Pour it on yourself to see if you burn!

o   Bath water too hot? Burn yourself!

-          Samson is a “healthy” baby. Translate: Faby (fat baby). I know this because when Danielle brought him to my office, everyone saw him and the conversations went something like:

Random office person: “awwwww….so cute! How old is he?

Danielle: 7 ½ weeks

Random office person: OH MY LORD HE’S HUGE!

This happened at least 6 times….

-          I’m mildly concerned. Danielle said the following to me late last night: “Sammy was really on my shit list this morning. But don’t worry, he came off it later because he was cute.” How does a baby make it onto a shit list???

-          Sammy is a huge hockey fan (see below). He also rioted on Weds. night in solidarity with Vancouver.

- You know I don't sleep enough part 3: I put ice cream in the refrigerator this week.

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          Number of rolls between Sammy’s upper thigh and knee: 3

-          # of times a thermometer was used last week (and not in the ear or armpit): 1 (sorry I missed that one, Danielle)

-          # of times Samson visited the Kraft offices: 1

-          # of times Sammy blew a poo-nami in front of my 2 managers: 1

Things we googled this week

-          Newborn hands in fists

-          Baby suddenly hates bottles

-          Why won’t Samson take a bottle?  - Note: the first 3 results were relevant. The 4^th was: “Keeping a family cow – F2 calf won’t nurse or take a bottle”. Thanks google.

-          Poo stains out of couch. (why we googled this, I don’t know: baby wipes!)

Danielle said Sammy loves this new way being held. Only a woman would say that about this hold. I think the face says it all. OUCH.

Now this "I can see everything" hold was liked a little better

Savtah (grandma) loves Sammy's plumber's butt.

The leg rolls.

More drama from the park: 1) I'm so happy with mom and my pacifier. 2) Pacifier is spat out. 3) "wait, I want my pacifier! AAAAAAAHHHHH! 4) "oh wait. I'm cool. False alarm!"

Spirit fingers!

Sammy came to dad's hockey game and learns to cheer!

Success!

Mad skills...

"Again, I love that you take me out, but why must I eat in the dark and wear no pants every time!"

There are many ways to desecrate an office (think Costanza and the cleaning lady) but I think this is a new one....

Week 6 and 7

Things I have learned:

-          Sammy is very much about balance. And it’s a balance between good and evil that he most cares. If he’s good during the day, you’ll pay at night. If he’s good at night – Have a nice day. Now, I’m all for Danielle and Sammy having fun, but I’ll take good during the night any day of the week. Sorry, Wifey J.

-          It is extraordinarily difficult to multi-task in the following way (as I did this week while baby sitting one afternoon): My conference call with work went something like this:

Josh: Yes, I’m on the line (and paying attention)

5 minutes later:

Sammy: Wah

Josh (on mute now): crap

Sammy: Waaah

Josh: Shhhhhhhh – It’s ok little Sammy

             Sammy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

             Josh: shhhhhhhhhhhh.

             Person leading conference call: Josh, what do you think

             Josh/Sammy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. W-W-W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

-          Sammy has officially given us his calendar. It goes something like: at 10am, I will have a poo-nami. That is about as far as we got (because there was a poo-nami)

-          Most parents refer to the time in the evening when their kids go nuts as “The Witching Hour”. Why do they call it the witching hour when really it lasts more like 6-7 hours? I feel lied to and hurt.

-          You know I don’t sleep enough part 2: I accidentally almost ate a pre-natal vitamin one morning this week. Disturbing.

-          When Danielle says, “Josh, do you want to go get the laundry from downstairs? If not I can do it” and then repeats, “are you going, because if not, I’ll go” she’s telling me, not asking me. I really should know this by now.

-   It is imperative to put on a shirt before picking Samson up in the middle of the night (see below)

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          # of times I have sung the itsy bitsy spider: too many to count. But he smiles so who cares!

-          # of times Samson pooped out of his diaper on Danielle’s pants this week (right after she did laundry: 2

-          # times Sammy has peed on his feet in the bath: 2 (it disinfects, right!?!)

-          # of times Sammy slept for 7 STRAIGHT HOURS!!!!!!!!: 1, praise the lord!

-          # of times Sammy yelled “Lebron, YOU SUCK” during the NBA finals this week: 0 but we’re sure he was thinking it.

Things we have googled:

Seeing is believing….

Actual snapshot of week 7 google searches

Some Pictures for your amusement 

Usurping Mom and Dad's bed

Who needs a waxing with this Kung Fu grip. OUCH!

Sammy loves Jazz and has already inquired about taking History of Jazz 1 at McGill

Just a solid closeup of the little guy

The football hold. He's almost too big for this already.

The world as we think Sammy might see it...

"Really? Really do I have to do tummy time? My neck is freaking strong enough!"

"These aren't the boobs I'm used to but I'll take'em"

"Wait a minute...who is this other Jewish, glasses waiting bearded man....Dad??"

"I appreciate your taking me to a park, but how would you like it if I put you in the dark and said 'eat'. Also, why exactly am in public without any pants? "

 

 

Week 5

Things I have learned:

-1. The guy that takes the passport photos at CVS is not very skilled. David Byrne once wrote “Passport pictures are what people really look like.” This is unfortunate because the CVS guy captured Sammy in a “I’m about to puke if you don’t get me out of here” look. Thanks alot.  

2.       The tattooed guy at the post office that tried to re-take Sammy’s passport photo knows nothing about the rules saying “sure – it’s ok to have a hand in the passport photo”. When we took it to the clerk she effectively called him an idiot and gave us our money back. My favorite part was when he kept touching Sammy with his “we haven’t been washed in months” hands. Thanks to you too, sir.

3.   You can never have enough peepee teepees.

4.  There is this thing called the woombie. We bought one. It’s basically stretchy material and a zipper (parents will buy anything.) But wait – and it helps Sammy sleep for 5 hours during the night. I’m in love.

5. 

The Wipey is the dad’s version of Duct tape

o   Peed on the walls? Wipey.

o   Peed on his face? Wipey.

o   Peed on you? Wipey

o   All of the above but with poop? Wipey.

o   Spilled on your shirt? Wipey.

o   Disarming a bomb? Only when combined with a paper clip, chewing gum and the inventiveness of MacGyver. Or not.

6. Packing for a newborn is like moving. I have never in my life seen one person pack so much stuff for a 2 day trip. Sammy is such a primadonna (though we owe him a debt of gratitude for behaving like an angel on our trip)

7. When you are driving, traffic lights are enemy #1. When you stop, you can hear the silence like in a horror movie – holding your breath waiting for the first “wah” to come before the light changes.

Important statistics we are tracking: 

1. Number of times Sammy waited until I changed his diaper to unleash a poo-nami in the same day: 3

2. Number of times Sammy waited until I was in the middle of changing him to show blue steel and….unload: 2 – in a 3 hour span. And I’m more skilled these days – I can avoid painting the walls with my cat-like reflexes.

3. Weight @ 4 weeks: 50^th percentile

4. Height @ 4 weeks: 90^th Percentile (he’s huge!!) 

5.  # of times Sammy has smiled at me  - faking like he was sleeping – and then opened his eyes back up: too many to count

6.       Number of times I had to taste breast milk (from a bottle!) to know when it’s good vs. spoiled: 1 (they didn’t tell you that before you had one)

7.       Number of times I’ve woken up in the morning cradling a pillow like I was holding Sammy: 2 (for real)

Things I googled last week:

 1. “Newborn sticking out tongue” - (there are apparently 4 different “tongue actions," each meaning a different thing. Sammy, could you just write a note?

 

3.  Newborn “constipation” – again, just to make sure we understand.

Pictures for your amusement:

Sammy's Passport photo

Father and Son have very different tastes in beverages

Drunk on Milk. I always think of that Simpson's episode where Barney yells "Hook it up to my veeeeeeiiins!"

Left: Adult bags. Right: The primadonna's gear

Woombie wakeup sequence

Sammy left a present on our bed in the hotel on Saturday morning. Do you think the maid believed me when I blamed it on our five week old? Thanks buddy....

Becky experiences a real Poo-nami.

Sammy is like the Fresh Prince in that he dresses for himself and not others.

What a difference 5 weeks makes

Week 3/4

Things I have learned:

1.       My wife thinks it's cute when she puts on Samson's pantalones gorditos so he constantly looks like MC hammer.

2.      I officially want to Kick Harvey Karp, the guy in the “Happiest Baby on the Block” movie Danielle made me watch. Really – how come everything this guy (who looks like a 70s ____star) recommends seems to be exactly what Samson hates?

3.       My son has enough Michigan State gear to dress the entire MSU cheerleading squad. Assuming they wanted to wear onesies and baby shoes. Which could be neat.

4.       I now run for the baby whisperer even though I think she is a bit of a jackass.

5.       Samson has 5 identifiable moods:

a.       I just pooped and I’m happy.

b.      I haven’t pooped in a while and I’m unhappy – Mom, please eat some prunes.

c.       I want the boob.

d.      I’ve got the boob and now I’m happy.

e.      Dad, I think it’s time you experienced me being cranky for no reason. Welcome home.

6.       We have become so attentive to Samson’s pooping schedule that Danielle literally sent me an email while I was at work with a picture of a poo-nami’d diaper. And we were both ecstatic.

7.       OK – I take back my happiest baby on the block comment. Maybe, sometimes, he knows what he’s talking about. Damn you Harvey Karp.

8.       When I pick up Samson, he seems to like it when I give him affectionate nick names. My favorites are taking wrestlers from the eighties and referring to him in a baby voice. Examples: “Hello little….

a.       Junkyard Dog

b.      Ultimate Warrior

c.       Hacksaw Jim Duggan

d.      (my favorite) Iron Sheik

Maybe this is more for my amusement than his, but I'm convinced he enjoys it.

9.   As Samson’s eyes begin to focus, it is glaringly apparent when he’s annoyed with me: i.e. “pleasedo notpickmeupwhileI’mtryingtoconcentrateonpooping” or “seriously–stopvideotapingmewhile I’mtryingtopoopbecauseyouthinkit’sfunny.thisisnotajoke.”

Why, you might ask do I think he talks without any spaces between his words? I just do…

10.   It’s funny to make your friends change diapers (good job, Dani)

11.  The term : “Bart”

Bart

      1.      –noun

Usually, a combined burp and fart. As in: Samson barted earlier today. And it was glorious.

12.   Pee in the bath. Check. Poop in the bath. Check, Check.

 

Important statistics we are tracking: 

1. # of times I tried to communicate to Sammy while crying by saying “wah”: 2. And yes, he was annoyed both times.  

2. # of barts in one feeding: 3

3. # of Dirty diapers we made Dani change: 1 (but the mess counts as more like 2-3)

Things I googled last week:

1.       “Newborn not burping after breastfeeding”

2.       “Effect of no R.E.M. sleep on adults" - I googled this after putting the orange juice back into the cupboard one morning before work.

3. "Newborn constipation"

Pictures for your amusement:

  Practicing to be a nun?

Samson's humidifier. I think it looks like a drug dealing penguin.

Blue Steel. You know what that means,

Par for the course after work.

There are some things that I imagine adults think are really cute but baby's think are just ridiculous. Such as hats.

Harvey Karp. Arch Nemesis.