Week 10

Things I have learned:

-         I’ve decided that this is the sequence of Sammy’s thoughts when he’s over tired and trying to fall asleep but can’t:

o   Sammy: “ok, I’m super tired and cranky – I really need to sleep. I think there are 3 options:

1.       I can yell, thereby making everyone around me super tired. This may not help me sleep, but I bet I’ll feel better. Misery loves company.

2.       I can repeatedly poke myself in the eyes. Not sure why this seems like a good idea but I can’t help myself! Weeeeeee!

3.       I can play hard to get with the pacifier that will instantly knock me out. You know, I can pretend to mom and dad like I don’t like it, then surprise! I’ll suck it into my mouth with the force of an industrial Dyson Vacuum cleaner and fall asleep in 2 seconds.

 I know….I’ll do all three!”

-        Sammy’s new habit: Waiting until I’m feeding with mom to unleash a poo-nami, therby ruining a good pair of pants

-        Note to self: if you accidentally put a newborn size diaper on a 14 pound baby, when they pee, It will get on your lap. And by your lap, I mean grandma’s…

-        When you put noise cancelling headphones on a baby at a concert and they fall asleep, when they wake up it will freak them out that they can’t hear. Whoops.

-        Driving long distances with kids is a precarious task even on the best of days. During the last 4.5 hour stretch of our drive to Montreal, Danielle forbid me to stop and pee. Our conversation during the last 45 minutes:

o   Josh: Ok, it’s been almost 4 hours. I really have to pee.

o   Danielle: If we stop and he wakes up, it will be a 30 minute feeding. Can’t you hold it? We’re almost there.

o   Josh: We’re 45 minutes away.

o   Danielle: Man up. We’re not stopping.

o   Josh: These speed bumps hurt!

Suffice it to say, we made it….

-        Funny thing to do on a long drive: Eat a large bowl of chili before you leave. Then let your wife keep checking to see if your son pooped his pants during the drive – pretending like it’s not you that farted.

-        Why is it that every morning when Sammy wakes up, he reacts as if he’s never breast fed before?

-        I am not really considered as a relevant source of comfort and safety for Sammy by most people. Point in case: How come whenever we go to the doctor they always say to Sammy – “do you want your mommy?” What the hell? I’ve been right there holding him and comforting him for the last 20 minutes???

-        There’s a possibility that Sammy will be a sleep walker. Every night we put him to sleep at the top of his crib. When he wakes up hours later, he’s wiggled his way to the bottom. We can mark the distance with the pacifier that’s been left 2 feet behind. Scary!

Important statistics we are tracking:

-        Minutes of Tummy time before notification that it is not liked: 4 (vs. the recommended 25 – damn!)

-        Length of time Sammy was hanging in some pee (he peed on his shirt) before we noticed – 15 minutes (sorry!)

-        Number of neck rolls: 5 (see below)

-        # of consecutive squats done to get Sammy to calm down during a freak out session: 50 (and I could hardly walk the rest of the day - I think I could make a baby calming exercise video)

-        # of conference calls taken while feeding Sammy: 1 (I cannot vouch for full participation but I'm proud!)

Things we googled this week

-         How much does a 2 month old eat? – translation: how is our baby so huge?

-        Cradle cap

-       How much tummy time?

-       Right bedtime for a 2 month old

-       Baby stomping 

Best adult questions of the week:

-        “Can I see your baby’s penis? I want to see if our moyal did a good job.”

-        “Josh, have you ever tried Danielle’s milk from the source? Just wondering…”

Pictures/ Videos for your amusement 

I count 5 rolls. Those rolls can conceal dried milk.quite gross.

Some say fat arms. I say muscle.

Sammy at summer Stage with noise canceling headphones

Waking up - "wait, why can't I hear anything???" or "Really? You think it's ok to put these giant things on my head!?!"

This is what happens when you put giant headphones on a mushy face...

Road warriors....yes, I am changing Sammy outside of a Panera in Clifton, NY (the bathrooms were nasty!)

Hipster

Sammy requires all readers to have serious conviction in what they are saying - Jenny really got into the animal noises found in the instant classic, Moo, Baa, La La La by the John Grisham of baby books (i.e. pumps out a book about just about any garbage at a ridiculous rate), Sandra Boynton.

 

I found another "comfy" place  to sleep!

 The Calm-squatting technique. Not recommended for the faint of heart or those who value walking in the near future

Week 9

Things I have learned:

-        Danielle has started to make the same noises as Sammy recently (oohing/aaahing). It’s weird.

-        It has become evident that Sammy is changing. And this is not necessarily because of his obvious development. Rather it is because every calming technique that worked in his younger days (read: first six weeks) has officially been rendered useless.

-        This week Samson got his shots. We thought he would be really upset and uncomfortable (and he was, somewhat.) The reality is though that he is more concerned about his ability to poop (or lack thereof) – that’s when he really lets us hear it.

-        It used to be that working from home meant getting a lot of stuff done. These days, it is a wee bit more challenging (evidence below)

-         Last week I mentioned that Samson is a “healthy” baby (Faby). The proof:

o   75^th percentile weight (translate: loves the boob)

o   90^th percentile height (felt better about this before shawn, not the tallest person I know, was also 90^th percentile height)

o   50^th percentile: head size (shawn’s nickname in high school was “Fathead” – coincidence??? I’m uncomfortable….)

-        Best socks on the market: The Anderson socks (thanks HB). Only socks a baby will actually keep on. 

-          Comment of the week at work (note: I was wearing short sleeved polo):

o   “Oh wow – I didn’t realize your son was going to end up SO HAIRY!”

Thanks Olga….

-        I’m pretty certain that when Dani and I were having beers in Chelsea, they assumed that we were a couple (as an aside - well done NY) and that since he was wearing spandex biking shorts that he was Sammy’s mom (photographic evidence below.)

-          New sleep pattern (no bragging, seriously, just stating the facts):

o   Bedtime: 11pm

o   Wake up: 6am

-        Sammy works on his own schedule during the day. While in Chelsea, having guy time, he slept the entire time. That is, until Dad put him in the car to drive home. The rest of my afternoon consisted of him screaming while I pulled over into a hydrant spot at the corner of 17^th and 10^th and fed him while I hung out the back seat of our tiny civic. Onlookers were especially proud when I pulled Sammy out to burp him and he gurgled up milk all over me. It was SWEEEEEEET.

-        I always thought that they gave babies shots in their bottoms – but it’s their thighs – OUCH

-        Sammy is growing up fast (evidence below)

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          # of times a thermometer was used last week (and not in the ear or armpit): 2 (he had his shots! This is not fun….)

-          # of times Sammy made a poo-nami that was so insane, Danielle called me into the other room to take a look: 1 (and it was special)

-          # of Shots Sammy got this week: 3 + 1 cocktail. Glad to get this over with…

Things we googled this week

-          How much sleep does a newborn need

-          Newborn sleep patterns

-          Vaccination newborn effects

-          How to calm your wife down when she’s freaking out about giving her child shots (ok – I didn’t google this, but I should have)

Big Developments of the week

-          Taking a pacifier out of his mouth and throwing it on the ground (WHAT!?!?)

-          Putting a pacifier back in his mouth after it slipped out (a sign of good things to come?)

-          Responding to talking with his own voice

Big Thanks

-          To Jay/Adina for babysitting! 

Playdate #2  - the big playas of Riverdale hanging out. Sammy's thought: "How am I supposed to flirt when I don't have pants but Ben does???"

Uncle Dani (in spandex): Mr. Mom

Hanging out with uncle Dani means frequenting NY's hotspots and beers/bloody marys (you have to look closely)

"I'm so psyched to fight crime as Spider Man!"

Sammy really wears his heart on his sleeve. Or in this case, his shirt. and it's less heart, more his passion.

Fighting crime will have to wait - nap time takes precedent

Like I said, working from home is less efficient these days...

Training to self administer the peepee teepee. This did not work perfectly. We're tenacious parents though...

post-shots calming technique....

REALLY??? In the thighs?!?!

Some exciting video of Sammy trying to communicate (this is the cheesy parental stuff we're excited to share!)

Week 8

Things I have learned:

-          Critical learning for the week: if you brag about your child’s sleep (i.e. “he slept for 8½ hours yesterday!”) you will be punished. Repeatedly. And it’s going to be a slow fearful build:

o   Day 1: 8 hours straight

o   Day 2: 5 hours straight

o   Day 3: 4 hours

o   Day 4: Up every 2 hours

-            Record feeding that is worth noting (yes, I’m going to brag about this)

o   1:50am - Sammy cries

o   1:53am - bottle warming, Sammy being changed

o   1:57am - Sammy starts drinking his bottle

o   2:00am – 4oz of milk has been guzzled

o   2:01am – burp

o   2:03am – back in woombie and asleep

o   2:05am – I’m back asleep

Hell yes, I am proud.

-          There aren’t enough baby wipes or Clorox wipes in the world that will make us feel better about eating off our dining room table after the 2 disasters that occurred there (background: changing table had to be moved out of the room for a couple days)

-          Danielle is very considerate of my needs. Over the weekend, Danielle tried to point out that I'd sent 2 thank you cards to the same person (hi Ilana) and I disagreed. After waking up at 5am with Sammy, and an extremely long day at work, I finally got to take a nap after coming home and playing with Sammy. I was not asleep more than 5 minutes before I am suddenly woken up by Danielle continuously tapping me. To tell me she was right about the thank you card. Really? REALLY????

-          We are essentially crash test dummies for babies:

o   How do you check if the milk in a bottle is too hot? Pour it on yourself to see if you burn!

o   Bath water too hot? Burn yourself!

-          Samson is a “healthy” baby. Translate: Faby (fat baby). I know this because when Danielle brought him to my office, everyone saw him and the conversations went something like:

Random office person: “awwwww….so cute! How old is he?

Danielle: 7 ½ weeks

Random office person: OH MY LORD HE’S HUGE!

This happened at least 6 times….

-          I’m mildly concerned. Danielle said the following to me late last night: “Sammy was really on my shit list this morning. But don’t worry, he came off it later because he was cute.” How does a baby make it onto a shit list???

-          Sammy is a huge hockey fan (see below). He also rioted on Weds. night in solidarity with Vancouver.

- You know I don't sleep enough part 3: I put ice cream in the refrigerator this week.

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          Number of rolls between Sammy’s upper thigh and knee: 3

-          # of times a thermometer was used last week (and not in the ear or armpit): 1 (sorry I missed that one, Danielle)

-          # of times Samson visited the Kraft offices: 1

-          # of times Sammy blew a poo-nami in front of my 2 managers: 1

Things we googled this week

-          Newborn hands in fists

-          Baby suddenly hates bottles

-          Why won’t Samson take a bottle?  - Note: the first 3 results were relevant. The 4^th was: “Keeping a family cow – F2 calf won’t nurse or take a bottle”. Thanks google.

-          Poo stains out of couch. (why we googled this, I don’t know: baby wipes!)

Danielle said Sammy loves this new way being held. Only a woman would say that about this hold. I think the face says it all. OUCH.

Now this "I can see everything" hold was liked a little better

Savtah (grandma) loves Sammy's plumber's butt.

The leg rolls.

More drama from the park: 1) I'm so happy with mom and my pacifier. 2) Pacifier is spat out. 3) "wait, I want my pacifier! AAAAAAAHHHHH! 4) "oh wait. I'm cool. False alarm!"

Spirit fingers!

Sammy came to dad's hockey game and learns to cheer!

Success!

Mad skills...

"Again, I love that you take me out, but why must I eat in the dark and wear no pants every time!"

There are many ways to desecrate an office (think Costanza and the cleaning lady) but I think this is a new one....

Week 6 and 7

Things I have learned:

-          Sammy is very much about balance. And it’s a balance between good and evil that he most cares. If he’s good during the day, you’ll pay at night. If he’s good at night – Have a nice day. Now, I’m all for Danielle and Sammy having fun, but I’ll take good during the night any day of the week. Sorry, Wifey J.

-          It is extraordinarily difficult to multi-task in the following way (as I did this week while baby sitting one afternoon): My conference call with work went something like this:

Josh: Yes, I’m on the line (and paying attention)

5 minutes later:

Sammy: Wah

Josh (on mute now): crap

Sammy: Waaah

Josh: Shhhhhhhh – It’s ok little Sammy

             Sammy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

             Josh: shhhhhhhhhhhh.

             Person leading conference call: Josh, what do you think

             Josh/Sammy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. W-W-W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

-          Sammy has officially given us his calendar. It goes something like: at 10am, I will have a poo-nami. That is about as far as we got (because there was a poo-nami)

-          Most parents refer to the time in the evening when their kids go nuts as “The Witching Hour”. Why do they call it the witching hour when really it lasts more like 6-7 hours? I feel lied to and hurt.

-          You know I don’t sleep enough part 2: I accidentally almost ate a pre-natal vitamin one morning this week. Disturbing.

-          When Danielle says, “Josh, do you want to go get the laundry from downstairs? If not I can do it” and then repeats, “are you going, because if not, I’ll go” she’s telling me, not asking me. I really should know this by now.

-   It is imperative to put on a shirt before picking Samson up in the middle of the night (see below)

Important statistics we are tracking:

-          # of times I have sung the itsy bitsy spider: too many to count. But he smiles so who cares!

-          # of times Samson pooped out of his diaper on Danielle’s pants this week (right after she did laundry: 2

-          # times Sammy has peed on his feet in the bath: 2 (it disinfects, right!?!)

-          # of times Sammy slept for 7 STRAIGHT HOURS!!!!!!!!: 1, praise the lord!

-          # of times Sammy yelled “Lebron, YOU SUCK” during the NBA finals this week: 0 but we’re sure he was thinking it.

Things we have googled:

Seeing is believing….

Actual snapshot of week 7 google searches

Some Pictures for your amusement 

Usurping Mom and Dad's bed

Who needs a waxing with this Kung Fu grip. OUCH!

Sammy loves Jazz and has already inquired about taking History of Jazz 1 at McGill

Just a solid closeup of the little guy

The football hold. He's almost too big for this already.

The world as we think Sammy might see it...

"Really? Really do I have to do tummy time? My neck is freaking strong enough!"

"These aren't the boobs I'm used to but I'll take'em"

"Wait a minute...who is this other Jewish, glasses waiting bearded man....Dad??"

"I appreciate your taking me to a park, but how would you like it if I put you in the dark and said 'eat'. Also, why exactly am in public without any pants? "